Resurrection After Rape Community Group

Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...

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5 years ago

mayday101
mayday101
On the first and second of August it will be five years since i was raped. I was in Thailand when I was attacked. I feel ashamed to say this but even though I was attacked I still feel like it was an amazing holiday, I guess I was in denial while I was out there and we had been there for about a week when it happened.
On the first of August this year I will arrive in Africa. I really want this to be the end of something and the begining of something. Five years seems like a significant period of time. And Africa seems like a significant place to begin something. I'm not sure what I want to end or what I want to begin. I also turn 30 soon and that seems like a begining and an ending as well.
I think i just want to begin living again, I want to know who i am and trust myself, I want to feel excited about the future and feel like I have a future.
and I want to draw an end to having to work so hard to keep myself on the straight and narrow and keep myself emotionally healthy, I want it to come naturally.
I don't want this experience to define me any more, I want to be more than that.

I guess I want to wake up on the first of August believing it is the first day of the rest of my life.

I'm not quite sure what I want by posting this but any advice or your own experiences would be appreciated!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, this is an amazing venture sounds like. I don't know if there is a continent-related recovery available, but, the newness thing, and a way to start fresh, those things I understand. I believe healing can come in the very same town where a horrible crime to humanit occured. At least I hope it can, because I live not too horribly far from where I was raped. I also believe that there is importance to reclaiming the day with positive activities, new landmarks to time. I applaud you your efforts Mayday. I know you want newness and effortless, natural feelings that don't include the issues rape created. I believe you can find that, maybe not in Africa....but definitely inside of you, whereever you happen to be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Someday, DS will create and edit function...and words like 'humanit' will never be seen again....they will correctly read, 'humanity'..and there will be space where space is due...and the words 'where' and 'ever' will be separate...or, like the words should look when intended to merge...and will appropriatley state 'wherever'...Ah, to the future!!
mayday101
mayday101
Thanks for your words mockingbird and I take pride in my inability to spell! It hasn't held me back in life and I'm a teacher! Although I do seem to suffer from online dyslexia my letters always end up the wrong way round!
But seriously I know that the answers are in me and not no matter where I go I will take myself with me but yeah I think I would like to reclaim the day and make better memories of my travels plus we will be driving alot so there will be lots of time to think. I want to end my twenties on a high and move into a new decade with new possibilities