I have lost two spouses to cancer, 6 years apart. I am tired of people telling me to read scripture, pray, (I do pray) and to be patient. I am tired of hearing my moms voice, almost 60 years later telling me how I should feel grateful for the trials. (No, I'm not schizophrenic) 

I am tired of fearing my pastor's words of concern that I am dating a woman who does not share my faith, while he gets to drive home to his wife and family. (I don't mean to sound critical, I love that man) 

I find myself feeling smothered with books, daily biblical affirmations when in reality I am still hurting after my most recent loss and I want to be held at night and loved by a woman. I grow weary of fearing God's wrath while I strive to please Him, yet feeling its never enough and that He may be disappointed in me.

I have done what I can and I am tired.