The other night my fiance and partner of nearly 11 years messaged me to let me know he wasn't happy and couldn't keep the relationship going.  Our story is long and complex. I'm a veterinarian. I studies overseas and met this person while I was in vet school. He was a pharmacist. The relationship started casual. I had no idea he had an interest in me and I had no desire for a boyfriend. I started going to his church group about 6 months after we met. We got to know each other a little better. The next year he started inviting me on hiking trips and movies. We were just friends, but I started to get the feeling he had feelings for me because he would pick me up and drop me off, and we would talk for hours in the car. Three years after we met, I invited him to an evening service at another church. We had a good time and then as usual, had our long conversation in the car afterwards. We got onto the subject of dating. I said that I was the only girl in my family who never had a boyfriend. My 3 sisters had all dated. He asked me if I ever wanted one. I looked at him. He said he liked me quite a lot- he had since the day we met. So- what I thought was true had been confirmed. I had an admirer. I kind of liked him as well. So then, our outings got labeled as dates and we were finally in a serious relationship. I was getting towards the end of vet school and I had a lot more time to get to know him. We had lots of dinner and movie nights at his house.  Then it came to graduation. I didn't have any family to come to my graduation- my mom was sick in the US with heart failure and I wasn't close with anyone else. So he bought me a nice dress and came to my graduation. Then I had to return to the US to take care of my mom. He came to visit me 3 months after I got back. My mom ended up in the hospital the second day he was with me and so he would go with me every day to visit her. We rented a car and he taught me to drive as well (I never had my license before this). My mom came home from the hospital 2 weeks later and he got to know her. She adored him and gave him her blessing to marry me before he even asked. She helped him choose an engagement ring. Then, she broke her leg a month after he left and ended up in the hospital again. She needed surgery but she was afraid because of the risks. Because she was in heart failure and she was bedridden, she ended up going septic and died in ICU. I was crushed and alone. 

A year after my mom's passing, my boyfriend came back for my birthday. He didn't want me to be alone and sad on that day. One weekend we went on a road trip- just us and my dog- and he proposed to me. I accepted. And then me and my dog moved back overseas to be with him.  But sadly, my grief seemed to get in the way of the relationship and we started drifting apart. I was in counseling and I tried to get him in counselling but he refused. I was also very homesick and my career aspirations were unattainable where I was. About 2.5 years after I had returned to him, I ended up moving back to the US. He would speak of moving to the US eventually but I had the feeling it would never happen. We continued to talk to one another, send birthday and Christmas presents, etc. i sent him pictures of my dog. He wasn't happy, however. He came to visit me last year and we had a great time. I think he was trying to convince me to move back. But I didn't. Over the last 3 months our communication diminished. We used to call and talk nearly every day. Then it turned into a few times a week. He bought a pharmacy where he was. We continued to talk, but then he said he didn't like talking on the phone and had no time because he needed to work in the garden. So we texted. But then the other day he said he wanted to mail the stuff I had left behind back to me. And the next day he sent me a text saying he can't do this anymore. He has nothing left to give. 

I honestly feel nothing. I keep thinking of him- everything reminds me of him and I will periodically shed a tear or two. But nothing more. I do miss him. Prior to him sending the message I had actually thought of just coming back. With the pandemic I don't know when that can happen, though. I was facing a lot of work stress on top of severe loneliness and worsening fatigue prior to the break up. I just feel nothing about the relationship right now. I think my brain is just in a fog of disbelief and I feel like I can call him and tell him i love him once again. I do feel a bit abandoned. But I guess I did make him wait for me too long.