Relationship ER Community Group
This support group is for those who have been through a hard time due to a past relationship. The goal is for this group to be able to help those who are suffering to become emotionally healthy through the support of the group.
I have known my husband for roughly 29 years. He married someone else when we were younger which devastated me then. They divorced and 11 years ago we hooked up. We have been married for 10 years this May 28th. My husband has always come and gone as he pleased leaving me home with our daughter. We would go thru periods of time where he would be out every weekend and then it would slow down and things would calm down. However, I always felt that he did not appreciate me the way I thought I should be appreciated. Well, Oct. 2007 he turned 45 and things have been horrifying ever since. The night of his b-day party, which was a bond fire. He invited an old female friend who happens to be married to a man who doesn't work a regular job. He does more day dreaming than anything else. Needless to say that night I noticed the way my husband was talking to her. Just like he spoke to me when we first got back together. Almost boosting his ego. Things he had done, how good he was at what he did so on and so on. The whole time, not realizing that his hand was on her thigh and he was only about 3 inches from her face. Well that night aftr they left, I said something to him which cause a fight. Of course, he denied everything, even though I saw it with my own eyes. He told me I was crazy and stupid. So I went in the house. About 3:30am I couldn't find him anywhere in the house so I walked outside to find him passed out at the bond fire. I woke him up and he said "now and again", I asked him "now and again what?". He said, "we're done". I got him in the house and into bed, not thinking much about what he had said. Also not realizing, that was the beginning of the end. The next month when we received our cell phone bill, what usually was a $90 bill turned out to be a $271 bill that month. That was when I finally realized, something was wrong. I believed the reason he was coming home late was because he was working. (As I'm writing this, I'm having a U-HUH moment). Any way thru the holiday's we really fought bad and he even stated that he wanted a divorce 1 week before Christmas. Well, I stuck around and told him that if he wanted a divorce then he could move out and file for one. Jan 5th, he was arrested for 1st Degree and 2nd Degree assault in a bar fight. I received a phone call at 12:15am that he needed me and like a dummy, I went. I stood by his side thru everything. Helped him pay the attorney using my 401K money. The hearing was April 16th and all charges were dropped. So here I am May 1st, and we're right back to where we were before. This old friend works close to him which is about 1 1/2 hours from our home town. He has taken our RV to work so that he doesn't need to come home every night. (Saving gas). He hides his cell phone from me, duh, I still see the itemized bill. I know it's over and I have contemplated suicide. I do have a 9 year old daughter that keeps me semi afloat. I could really use some one to talk to. Any one willing??????
It sounds like he needs to grow up and be a man committed to his family and stop going to bars and getting into fights.
If he has a cell phone, ask him to switch with you. Tell him that you want his passwords and access to all his e-mail accounts. If he is hiding something then he won't want to give those things up.
I hope you get the help and support that you need. This is the worst thing anyone could go through and you have to be tough and strong for yourself and your daughter. Don't take any crap from him and take control. Tell him you need to know the truth about everything because you have to be able to make a choice if you want to continue being married to him or not.
One more thing. A very high percentage of men go through a mid-life crisis and they feel like life is short and they want to do all the things they never got to do or have always wanted to do. That is all fine and dandy, as long as they do it with you and not with someone else. They go through this crappy selfish phase (I've been reading a lot lately) and to me, it's like one giant pms trip. We get it once a month for many many years, they get it between 40 and 55.
I hope that he hasn't done anything and perhaps just thought about it and you get to stop him before he does something stupid and hurtful. They will lie so keep your guard up and be wise to it.
Good luck to you and know you are not alone in this.