Sorry to hear your roller coaster is at one of the valley's...

Here's my take as I am about to embark on a trial separation as well. Just b/c you don't stay in the same house doesn't mean you can't practive your new communication skills. You can get space and practice if that's what you want. You can call, you can tell him he needs to call you or be the one to communicate first with you in any other way. You can even meet up a couple times a week (or if you want him out for just a week, then maybe every day if that's what you want). and practice these new communication skills. that way, you get your space and you both get your practice. Your communication doesn't have to just be in counseling unless that is what you want.

My W is leaving for a while however, she has set rules for me. I am to contact her pretty constantly. Morning texts/calls, random texts/calls through the day, and of course before bed calls. We still have a family event we have already said we would be at and cannot back out of and we plan on still going to that together. She has stated she may not pick up the phone or respond to texts, but I am to take this time to prove to her how much I love and want her. she will get the space she needs to regroup herself and I need to do everything I can to make sure she comes back to me. When she needs/wants to talk, I am to be available.

Certainly go for a run if that usually makes you feel a bit better and evaluate what you want and what you need your H to do for you. Even if that includes him going away for a while.

Sending support your way!

Only you know what is best in your situation but if you are working to reconcile, then I suggest that you do not ask for a trial separation. The reason being is that you are putting off the rebuilding process rather than digging in and getting to work. It is hard to work on reconnecting and communicating when you a apart.

Now that said, there were moments that I was sorry that I didn't take a "time out" in the early weeks just to get my head on straight. Rather than asking for a separation, why don't you take a weekend for yourself? Find a cabin on a lake or go to a spa or go visit with a relative or friend. Just the opportunity to put yourself in a peaceful situation where you can focus on yourself without the distraction of having to deal with your H.

And go for a run this afternoon! Clear your head. I will say that for the first year and a half, my moods got really squirrely while having PMS or also I would get out of whack very easy when i got stressed out over other things. So try t stay active and do things that help you clear you mind.

I am afraid I agree with thebeachretreat. Separation seems to be saying the wrong things to your spouses but each situation is different and I have learned from a few of you that different things work for different people.

I wish you both luck in whatever you decide to do. Miss, it is rather clear that your wife wants to know you want her and not the OW. You have helped in many things now take your own advice. :)

First, I want to say that I think separation is showing your partner selfishness, especially if you are the CS and asking for it. I am the CS in my relationship and I would rather grit my teeth and bare through it because I want my W to know that I am not leaving even if it was my stupidness that caused all of this mess in the first place.

Second, always go run if you find yourself stressed out. Sounds like this is a real healthy coping mechanism that you have.

Miss, do you think the 'rules' are fair? Were you going to do that any way or did you need your W to ask to do that?

Went for my run, and it felt great. Endorphins are a wondrous natural drug. Now I'm just feeling bleh instead of crying.

Angry, I'm not trying to be selfish in the usual sense of the word. I liken it to self preservation. Beach, you made an excellent suggestion on a weekend retreat for myself. I have to somehow figure out how with finances and his work schedule as he does need to do some on the weekend... we have a demanding toddler. Maybe I could take off for a few hours at a time during the weekend... that would help.

Thanks, everyone, for your support. My h thanks you, too, he just doesn't know it, lol.

@shtmyhbdid: I am curious, did you tell your therapist about the trial separation concept? What was the reaction? I think that this is highly dependent upon the individual circumstances.

I agree that the weekend (week??) away idea is fantastic, and perhaps might be a better way forward than an actual separation. At least you can get some time alone (no kids, no H, no distractions) and just be quiet with yourself. It's amazing how issues can be clarified in one's own mind when given the space and time to do so.

I agree with the other posters, PMS on infidelity crap is AWFUL. I've actually gone back to meditation to deal with the swirling and angered mind. It does help.

I didn't mention it to our therapist. I did mention it to h a couple of weeks back because we were just getting on each other's nerves. I wanted to give him the option of concentrating on his new job instead having to dread coming home to my depression and rage. I wanted to not be set off by his inability to express his thoughts and feelings. I think the fact I even mentioned it rattled him and suddenly he opened up. That didn't last, unfortunately. So the time apart concept came up in my head again.

I wish I could spend a week away. But he basically spends 16 hour days working his tail off and I have to take care of the kids. It's sink or swim for him so I have to support him in that. In the meantime, the day trips for me would probably be the best option. If I can get to a more centered frame of mind, I can strategize and be more in sync with him, which will hopefully lead to more and more breakthroughs.

A few weeks separation turned into three months for me. She was the CS by the way. She left with DD in tow. I was in the marital home.

I find it difficult to adapt to her being back. That was enough time for us to establish our own routines. Now she's back and I'm not sure she WANTS to be back. I'm not even sure she wants ME. I want her and I can see some of the good returning.

If your trying to R I DO NOT recommend separation. Especially with kids involved. Our daughter is only six and picked up some bad habits while they were gone. The relationship with DD and I has changed and while most is for the better, some Is not. The relationship between DD Nd my wife has changed also andwhile I can't speak FOR them I don't like some of it. Maybe I am reading too much into it and this is the normal progression of a parent/ child relationship but I have no way of knowing and no frame of reference. I do feel that that was over three months of my daughters life and development I'll never get to enjoy.

Just my $0.02