Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I recently found out that the OW is in rehab for alcololism. I know that at some point they are supposed to make ammends. I don't know if she will call me because right after DDay she was leaving messages on my phone about how great their sex was, how insignificant I was in their relationship, how he was telling her he loved me and suggesting that she was the victim not me. Them about 6 weeks after DDay she called me. I didb't know the number so I answered. She proceeded to tell me a bunch of lies including that H was still in her bed. I was devestated and just layed on the floor shaking (PTSS). I was angry at myself for letting her affect me that way and I want to be prepared so it doesn't happen again. (I know he isn't seeing her because he accounts for every minute, even bring home his work schedule). She is probably more likely to call him but if she calls me would you let her have her say?
In order to move on, no contact MUST be kept. In case she gets through on an unknown phone number, don't let her start a conversation. Tell her calmly to please not contact either of you again. Hang up. Don't answer if she calls back. Delete any messages she might send. Eventually, she'll grow tired of trying if she is the persistant type.
If you are going to reconcile and work through this, the OP must not have a place in your life. Also, your H must agree to NC, and not let her have any more to say to him.
Also, my OW contact me at work, via email. She was very sneaky. She did it annonymously, and spoofeed her IP address so it couldn't be traced back to her.... (our IT services checked all this stuff out for me.)
Immediately following the email, I had my email removed from the web page that my employer listed all employee contact information on. I had to get permission from my supervisor, but that wasn't a problem...
to my knowledge she's not tried to contact us since the email. she doesn't want H to know she sunk to that level (I wouldn't either).
If you have to get a restraining order.... only if necessary, but I wouldn't think twice about it if it was....
Just eliminate as many ways to get in touch with you as you can. Don't give her the satisfaction... She needs to straighted her own life out and leave you the hell alone.
IMO, and probably most others', there is no place at this late time for amends. If the A is ended, keep it ended. He MUST maintain NC, and if, by chance she gets through to him, he MUST be honest with you, letting you know it happened, as well as telling her simply to not contact him again... Not honoring NC is a big dealbreaker in reconciliation.