Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I had responded at length in the "Does it matter" thread. Some long gone (or so I thought) feelings came bubbling out in my replies. Since then, after reading what I wrote, I've been rehashing my life since late 2003. I remember all the crap, the hurt, what I did to myself, the details of lawyer visits, fights, conversations etc.
What a freaking load of hurt. My H came home tonight, after bringing his own dinner. I called him and told him I just couldn't deal with cooking. When he got home, he asked what he could do, and I told him to just go to the gym like normal. He asked if he should hang around, and I told him I just didn't want to talk about it right now.
I feel like I took 10 steps back. The enormity of what he did came crashing down again on me. Almost 3 years of betrayal. The reminder that he shared some private family issues with her, which led to the emotional and physical affair.
I hate that. I'm stunned all over again. After almost 19 months.
I don't regret my comments...I always hope what I have to say can help someone. But I have to accept that this path is long and hard. I could really use some prayers and good thoughts right now.
What a freaking load of hurt. My H came home tonight, after bringing his own dinner. I called him and told him I just couldn't deal with cooking. When he got home, he asked what he could do, and I told him to just go to the gym like normal. He asked if he should hang around, and I told him I just didn't want to talk about it right now.
I feel like I took 10 steps back. The enormity of what he did came crashing down again on me. Almost 3 years of betrayal. The reminder that he shared some private family issues with her, which led to the emotional and physical affair.
I hate that. I'm stunned all over again. After almost 19 months.
I don't regret my comments...I always hope what I have to say can help someone. But I have to accept that this path is long and hard. I could really use some prayers and good thoughts right now.
I hope/pray today has been a better day for you!
I like the idea of permanent press!!! To be done with the pressing on is another goal of mine.
Prayers for US ALL!
Part of why I asked the question was because I have a great deal of respect and admiration for everyone in this group who is going through the most horrible ordeals.
I found this website and group because I was looking for people who have gone through the same thing and I see a group of people who have so much strength and who are so brave.
You are a person who is willing even after so much hurt to try again and give more, not hide, not give up.
Everyone rebuilding in
Everyone rebuilding in the most difficult circumstances and with so many different situations.
I truly do applaude, have respect and am grateful for finding this website.
I hope everyone feels better and finds the pride in themselves.
As for ironing, I don't do it.
Loving, I hope you are feeling better. You are one of the voices of hope.
Once he heard the story, he totally understood. He is a bit unnerved though, and wondering if we'll ever get completely past this. I told him that I've had slips before, and will again, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. Contributing to how I was feeling was the fact that our daughter has been using me for a verbal punching bag for 2 weeks, and it's all wrapped up together with the A. I'm just plain worn down. I'm really working on bounderies with her, but it's very difficult. If I don't answer the phone, she shows up here. I actually ignored her at the front door for 15 minutes, but she never left. That is a very long story though, hurtful and emotional for all concerned.
The enormity of what happened, when taken all together is just beyond scope. In the 19 months since his full confession, we've addressed pieces and part of it, but that day I posted, the more I typed, the more I remembered. Seeing it in print that way just stunned me. Just when you think you've considered things from all angles, another one comes along. The idea that for about 3 years (when he first started talking to the OW as a "friend", and pretty much daily made decisions to let himself slide further and further down that slope, well, that just kills me inside. (I said 2 years in my post, but in looking back, it started in the summer of 2003 with some casual conversations, in 2004 they started meeting for lunch at a park, in 2005 they began going to her house, and didn't end until late 2006)
So we talked, and I asked a couple of more questions. He of course feels terrible, which isn't my intent. I can't help rid him of his guilt, he did it, and we're living with the consequences. But he is really struggling with the idea that we won't be able to get through this.
He admitted to taking wine on that anniversary trip so I would be "fuzzy" and easier to fool. You see, when I'm clear headed, my instincts are very sharp and very accurate. If he would have listened to me 10 years ago, he would have never allowed himself to get close to her. She liked him from way back...I could see it. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have contacted her then and told her to stay away from him. I knew she was in a terrible marriage, and told my H that she would divorce him as soon as their girls were out of high school. That is exactly what she did. Don't get me wrong, she didn't stalk him or lay a trap for him. She just befriended him and it progressed from there.
She is still alone BTW. And I hope she has some sense of how much pain this has caused. My H told her 19 months ago when he fully confessed, (he told me when he did that...it was via a phone call and not face to face) and it totally freaked her out. She thought I would show up at work and cause a scene, or contact her at home and or tell her daughters. I still might contact her at some point, but have no wish to cause trouble for the girls. That's just not me.
Rant over. Long tiring weekend. I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere today.