LOL, been there, done that, have the t-shirt (3 sizes too small that would fit the OW, AH HA HA HA HA). I hear ya on the becoming a crazy person...I plead temporary insanity due to UTI (under the influence of infidelity). YIKES!

I have also turned into a different person. I can't believe who I've turned into also! I honestly think it would be much easier to throw in the towel and heal ourselves without them and start fresh with someone new. Mine really shows no compassion for me either. I was calm rational also, I am now trying to hunt her down, obsessed with it, spending money I don't have, getting tickets, driving by places where she used to live, etc. What has happened to me???

I know what you are doing. I searched for a myspace ad also.I would have done the exact same thing myself

Why would OW have naked pictures posted on her myspace....eweee, no class at all. I'm so sorry you had to see those pictures but I do understand your anger and your outburst was completely normal. How did your H handle your outburst? I hope he was compassionate.

Infidelity changes us completely and we will have emotional/angry outbursts from time to time. Been there, done that as we now have a huge crack on our closet door from me punching it one night in my fit of anger. Just another little reminder of the hell we've been through....ugh.

You are so funny! You did give me a chuckle....because that is exactly how I would have handled it...still...and its been 20 months since d-day for me.... I did that when I found the ugly ,fat,old skank on MAtch.com looking for a match that she described was very much like my husband! I printed out copies of her picture and stuck it in my husband's face screaming some kind of crazy stuff at him also!
I was NEVER like this...never so emotional..and out of control... I always prided myself on acting like a lady....well..at one point I lifted up my shirt in the middle of driving on a highway becasue we had gotten into a heated discussion about how the OW would expose her breasts to various co-workers during the work day...and why my husband was embarassed that I was crying in public and wasn't embarassed that his girlfriend was exposing her breasts in public... so...that's what I did....
If my grown children knew what this whole mess has done to me...or brought me to..they would be horrified...
but..just like your story today...you just have to laugh!!! its better than crying!

I too just wanted to say thanks for sharing and you are soooooo not alone. Good thing my neighbors are old and go to bed early or the cops would have been called on me one night. I went crazy over some phone messages I found after I thought he ended it(unfortunatly it took him several months to do that) I was throwing punches, smashing the cell phone to bits and all sorts of crazy screaming. People have a hard time believing I yell at my kids so this was so out of character. What was funny was I was embarrassed but all that physical energy letting out felt good too.

It should make you feel better that your H is BY FAR not the only man who has seen THAT! Anyone who wants to see a worthless whore can just look onto myspace and see her. She is not any more special of a person than the other worthless whores who post pics like that online.

You, however, are a prize who is just for him. :)

Your right.....but I still do the same exact thing.
I have a hard time going out to public fairs, concerts, baseball games.
Anything that involves a lot of people walking around, this sounds so darn stupid but I hate looking at any chick that has her cleavage hanging out (my H's OW had bigger breasts than I do) I always feel like he is looking at them thinking "gee I was once with a chick that had big boobs like that" or "man if only I could have a pair like that again". I am like a god damb rottweiler.....if my H so much as looks the same direction as a big set of breasts I am freaking out.

O lord I was/am still a mad woman on occasion I threw everything that said "love you" at him(things he had bought me over 20 yrs)...glass etc... well just everything in the house he bought me all in one night and I screamed all kinds of stuff and since then I just have become this "don't even fuck with me " kind of person and I was always a soft spoken easy to get along with type. I don't know who or what I have become. Just not so nice as I was. Sad huh?

when i was a kid, i broke my arm after falling off my bike. my older brother thought it would be funny to hit my broken arm after it was in a cast. i remember that i popped him in the face as hard as i could...out of character for me. but, dammit, i had a broken arm and it hurt like hell when he punched it. i didn't become an angry person that day, i was just protecting myself. i tell that story because that's exactly how i feel now.

when i was a kid, i broke my arm after falling off my bike. my older brother thought it would be funny to hit my broken arm after it was in a cast. i remember that i popped him in the face as hard as i could...out of character for me. but, dammit, i had a broken arm and it hurt like hell when he punched it. i didn't become an angry person that day, i was just protecting myself. i tell that story because that's exactly how i feel now.

I feel so much better - having shared with all of you and THANK YOU all for sharing your similar feelings and stories.

Shannon - thanks for making me feel better about my bad behavior

Kelly - I have also driven by her house and done other obsessive things. I try not to do too much of that but sometimes I cant control my emotions!

Jrsygrl - thanks for the mental image of you flashing -- gave me a laugh when I really needed one

Donna - I am lucky my neighbors didnt call the police from all my bloody murder screaming - thanks for sharing

Gabi - I hadnt thought about that way but YES -- what kind of low class person posts naked pictures in public? (I have to just be mean and add...her boobs are weird!) :o)

Niki - yes my H's OW was tall, thin and 20 years younger than me - so I have triggers everywhere

Linda - I agree and I feel sad in that same way

Wjz - Yes! Thats exactly how I feel about it - thanks

You are not alone. I have done some things that i would have NEVER done before his A. NEVER. Emotions that I have never felt came out and they are still there. Its the angry and the bitterness of betrayal that brings out the most primal and animal nature in us. Its also a reaction to being threatened. Your way of life has been threatened and you're afraid and out of control of your life.

Its normal. Go with it and get it out!

That's the best part about being a member of this F'd up club, we can all relate to each other. If you were to look at me and my wife today, our marriage, you would think we are the happiest people in the world. And believe it or not, I do still love my wife, my life, and look forward to seeing it through till the end. We are committed to fixing and forgetting this past year. Unfortunately for me, my wife's A's were a culmination of a lifetime of sexual abuse by brother, friends, neigbors, you name it. I married a damn ticking timebomb. We now know that she suffers from a mental disorder which allows her to see life differently and take dangerous, wreckless, risque chances than normal people. When she exploded this year, went suicidal after a string of sexual affairs, hoping to contract a disease and die, we are now putting humpty dumpty back together again. I have all these feelings from absolute undying love to rage, anger, and a thirst for revenge. My two little ones keep me grounded. I hate looking at my love and seeing both the love and the rage, yet I don't want to hurt her. Just this weekend, in a moment of Q & A, I asked about someone I thought was just a minor player in the game (oral sex) and it turns out it was a full session in his semi-truck. She thought I already knew about it. Damn me for asking the question because now I have to up the count from 4 to 5 guys in a littel under 2 months. I don't have any feelings about this one. Is it that I am just so consumed by the others that it really doesn't have any more impact? Since getting her the mental and medical help she needs, she has returned to a normal person, completely mortified and repentent. It's been 6 months now of complete transparency, yet I still question everything. I know there's no answer for me, divorce isn't happening unless this happens again now that she's being medically and psciatrically treated. It sucks, but I know what you all are saying. I have moments I feel capable of acting inhumanely, I could now care less about any black male between the ages of 18 and 35 (they were all black) and wouldn't offer a drink of water if I stumbled across one dying of thirst in the desert, and I feel like I am on a hair trigger now when we go out and I see others even daring to look. Right before I hospitalized her (before I knew she was having sexual A's (I had discovered her erratic behaviors a month before but believed they were just lunch dates and 1 instance of oral sex) she had since swore off the behavior), we were out and I found a punk kid talking to her in a dark hallway leading to the bathrooms. He was propostitioning her and I went nuts. It was so out of character for me. I almost destroyed him but his friends got him away from me before I could. If I'd only known that my wife's last A partner was sitting at the bar watching me, I would be in jail today. I do feel this has scerwed me up as well. So much for the caring, gentle giant. You would never see this side of me if you were to meet me in public, it's really a shame.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one still feeling crazy and out of control even after 14 months past d-day. I didn't get physical the other nite but I was tearful and wanted more info from my H about the affair. I can tell he's so sorry and yet I don't know if I can forgive him. This really sucks!!!!!! Sharon P.S. that did make me smile Morgan.

I hate to chuckle at your expense, but I have to say your post is pretty funny.

*hugs*