Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I find that when I take time to list and recognize the positive things happening in my life and marriage that I feel so much better. What positive things are happening for you?
In my own life
I am serving as Missions Committee Chair for my church and the rewards of being involved with some community outreach projects fill me with such joy.
I am trying to lose a little weight and have dropped four pounds through watching what I eat and walking.
My oldest child, who was inches away from dropping out of college stayed in and hopefully has a renewed sense of wanting to finish getting his degree.
My teenage daughter, who started driving in November, is showing responsibility on the road and she is doing well in school.
In my marriage
My H and I continue to have a twice weekly "date night" that I realize that my husbands looks forward to and depends on just as much as me.
My H and I both continue to make our marriage a priority and put it first.
I get hugged every day and told I'm loved every day.
In my own life
I am serving as Missions Committee Chair for my church and the rewards of being involved with some community outreach projects fill me with such joy.
I am trying to lose a little weight and have dropped four pounds through watching what I eat and walking.
My oldest child, who was inches away from dropping out of college stayed in and hopefully has a renewed sense of wanting to finish getting his degree.
My teenage daughter, who started driving in November, is showing responsibility on the road and she is doing well in school.
In my marriage
My H and I continue to have a twice weekly "date night" that I realize that my husbands looks forward to and depends on just as much as me.
My H and I both continue to make our marriage a priority and put it first.
I get hugged every day and told I'm loved every day.
My H and I are making each other our #1 priority
We are growing closer all the time
He has stayed away from the ow completely and moved on with his/our life
He continues to listen to me and be understanding of my fears and rough times
He stays accountable at all times and every time he calls me through the day he tells me he loves me
Basketball season is almost over! ha But on that note he is cancelling games now and feeling like he is away from me too much
I have a loving daughter whom I am very very close to and 3 amazing grand children who think I am the coolest ever
We/I have some very good friends who love us
Great family
And I feel like I am going to survive this now. I feel stronger and smarter and having lost close to 40 lbs. now I feel "HOT"! and am told that everywhere I go. That is the BIGGEST self esteem boost anyone can have. If I had not lost all of this weight I would be feeling ugly and bad about myself, this makes me feel good about ME
We have found an awesome church where we feel loved and supported. The messages are about real people serving a real God. It's truly awesome. My H is starting to teach a class that he is so excited about. It is how to love your wife the way God wants you to.
I have lost about 45 lbs since DDay and my husband about 30 lbs. During the Affair he got to his heaviest weight of all time, which totally goes against what all the books say. I have helped him lose weight and he feels so much better about himself. It makes me happy because I'm glad he was a fat ass and at his worst with her. It makes me see that he definitely had some depression going on. He had always watched his weight befriend then.
**My H's attentiveness to my every need for the last yr has been awesome.
**His willingness to do whatever it takes to make me happy again
I'm proud that I have overcame some big obstacles personally as well. I've grown closer to my Dad this past year. He had multiple affairs (one child) while he was married to my mom and I never thought I could forgive him till now.
My Mom is a class 1 horder. Her house is embarrassing. I never had friends over because of all the messes, it was terrible. Because of not growing up in a clean or organized environment I just never knew how to organize or what to keep and what to toss. My mom just always bought so much stuff. Stuff on top of stuff. She has stacks of Southern Living magazines from the 80's in her house. Well anyway, I have always wanted to break the cycle but I just didn't know how. It's not hard for me to throw away like it is for my Mom, I am not emotionally attached. So I have been working hard to purge all the unnecessary items out of my life. It all started with opening a drawer in kitchen and then realizing there was so much crap it wouldnt close. I just tossed it all. It felt so good!!!!
Right now? 1. my dog, whom we almost got rid of around DD, but has provided endless amounts of the unconditional love I've needed to survive this; 2. a new friend at work, whom I'm considering telling about A; 3. H had a good job interview a couple of days ago; 4. Disney on Ice tonight with son and H; 5. I look good today in my skinny jeans and boots.
The best part is I almost wrote "Right now? nothing" but there's always something to be grateful for. Some days, it takes a little digging.
Thus, each and every day I have the freedom to chose to come home and continue working on this or to end it.
It is an empowered feeling!
Not sure that is what you were asking for, but that is where I am at!
My top 5 for today are:
1. My husband told me today that he was proud to be my husband and that "You are a good person to the core, very giving, very caring, very thoughtful. In many ways I'd like to be more like you."
2. The chance to have a better life
3. My Dad's wife's sister and husband just moved 45 min. away from us and I'm so thankful to have them in our life. She told me that she hopes we can both fill a void in each others life because we don't have any famly around. This was music to my ears because I've been wanting that for a long time. Found out today she wants to come to my kids basketball games. It's the little things.
4. My family is healthy, the kids are doing well in school and they're happy
5. Our new 6mo. old kitten who shows such unconditional love, acts goofy and really makes me smile.
And one more, DS friends that truly understand what I'm going through and who can always make me see the brighter side. Just like one friend did write now with this post. TY.
I am healing more and more and can see my progress.
I feel safer with myself now.
I am healthy and can work and I have work to do.
The environment in my home is peaceful.
In spite of so much unemployment going on we are continuing to get by
I love going to the gym with H
I have hope for us. Lots of hope.
Someone mentioned feeling liberated and empowered, I have been feeling that way just this week too.lt's almost like a huge weight, burden has been lifted somewhat, feels better, safer now. I am feeling more assured within.
Sunday the 29th will be our 29th wedding anniversary. Ironically we will be attending a follow up session for Retrouvaille (which is the marriage program we went to on the 13-15).
I am very happy to be spending there because in this program the couples who presented all went through the same exact scenarios during their marriage and suffered infideltiy. These couples have survived with help of this program.
In each follow up session we explore all kinds of subjects that contribute to relationship issues. One for this week is "Family of origin", I believe this explores our upbringing, which I know had a influence on my H way of thinking. His father had many A during my H childhood and into the teen age years and he actually left his mother for a 32 yr. old at the age of 55. Though this isnot an excuse it does help to understand how we handle things in our life. My H now realizes how much his fathers behavior influenced his own thinking, the big difference in my H and his father is My H has realized this, is angry at his father for the example he gave him. His father has passed and was never easy to get close to, but my H says now if he were here he would confront him about this.
So the positive in my M is my H has come to a lot self realizations about himself and has gone above and beyond to change these character flaws in him self.
Positve-WE talk about anything and everything; we are treating each other as you would a best friend;we cry together, pray together and are rebuilding our M on day at a time.
My H has always been a good man in so many ways and if these changes had not occured I would not be here.
The only thing that is holding us back is ME, I have to deal with trust. I am scared of getting too close and I have past anger and resentment to work on, then total forgiveness, but I am getting there.
Sorry to ramble, I should've journaled.