Here it is day 54 and I feel no better than i did day 1....I know its Valentines Day and we have counciling tonite. I told him I didnt want anything its too hard. How can I one minute look at him and say we can do this and the next want to punch him in the face and leave. He seems to be really trying but he also had an on and off again 10 year affair plus early on some one time ones total of 6 all together. He says he never meant for me to be hurt and he knew it was wrong and the the ow means nothing and acutally relieved that it is out. He is reading the books and we are both doing IC weekly but I dont think I can ever look at him and think why did u do this to me. We have been married for almost 21 years. He told me it was about sex and that was a common complaint in our marriage. I have been on and off hormones for years and the medicine that works the best causes lack of desire. I told him that and he informed me (just lately) that he thought I was just saying that. We have had our problems but thought the last few years minus the last 6 months were really good. How can I be so dumb. He has told me that he doesnt miss her or even want to see her....how after 10 years can he have no emotion. He never bought her anything and never motels and only brought her to our house 4 times and it was in the last 6 months. They mostly met for lunch at her house or on his day off. He never went on trips or met her after work when he was supposed to be home. I dont know if he is a serial cheater or just a long term affair or if it even matters. He says he is willing to do whatever it takes to make me trust him again....I am so confused.