You definitely are past due for answers.

Maybe a less confrontational method? You may have read it, but I'd recommend printing out the following article:

Narrative Reconstruction
http://healinginfidelity.blogspot.com/2013/10/narrative-reconstruction.html

And see if he'll agree to read it, telling him it explains what is going on with you, that you are losing hope. Then give him time to digest it and see what he does.

What was the status of your relationship when he cheated and how long have you been married?

That is WAAAAY too long. She could do the 180, because it is his job to help HER heal from the affair, and waiting for nearly THREE years, is a bit much.... No rebuilding can happen if he doesn't come clean and the more time that passes the more details he will forget, and you will be stuck for another bunch of years, just like we were... and sometimes still are. Problem with the lies, are that when the truth comes out that is distorted too because they start getting confused between the lies and the truth... and the more time passes the more the memories fade.

Lisalisa72 we were dating and then got engaged when he cheated. A year today.

Deffinately not a good sign at all. Rebuilding a relationship requires absolute commitment from the cs. Commitment to do whatever it takes to help you through it. Answering your questions and loving you through your pain is so important.

May I ask why you've chosen to stay when he's not doing his part? Do you have kids together? If your still hoping For a rebuild I think first attempting to get into mc with him. If he refuses or it doesn't pan out, then I suggest the 180.

The great thing about the 180 is it teaches you that you can thrive on your own and shows the cs that you are not some door matt waiting to be walked on.

It will either shake his world and inspire him to make changes or inspire you to walk away with confidence.

Pinkpony66 I thought by now he would have opened up. Yes we have a daughter. I've asked him to go to mc but he says no

Without knowing all the details of your relationship, if he had a fling while you were dating and then proposed and married you - he chose to be with you, girlfriend. It absolutely sucks that he couldn't be faithful from the beginning, but I doubt there were any deep reasons why he did it - there was the opportunity and he made the wrong choice. He did it because he wanted to at the time (really - sometimes that's as deep as it gets).

Part of rebuilding is eventually drawing a line and deciding that anything that happened before X date is in the past. If you married him after Dday then you drew that line. Maybe individual counselling would be a good starting point so that you can work through this before suggesting marriage counseling again? You might be able to work this out on your own.

Do you think he's the type of person who will cheat again? Or was it one bad blip in an otherwise clean record?

So he cheated while you were dating? Has he cheated since? Do you know with who? (That would be my biggest question) are they still around?

He cheated while we were engaged and while I was pregnant. I don't know. Well he sexted other woman, wrote 2 ex's on Facebook, came home with a hair on his penis. He works were he sexted woman and the one ex is friends with his sisters.

"When I do want to bring it up I get scared and chicken out. ..... I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't sleep, eat, and I'm walking around like a robot. I'm so tired of the lies."

This is pretty common in the time right after D-day, but I'm concerned that you're still not eating and sleeping and feel so disconnected. Sometimes Rebuilding is about rebuilding ourselves and not necessarily the relationship. The power balance seems so unequal in your relationship.

I really, really think that individual counseling will help you figure out what you want and how to get unstuck. The longer you stay in this place, the bigger the chance of it turning into chronic depression and a host of other destructive things. Most rebuilding couples have a decade or more of good memories and history to draw on to get them over the hump. It's a lot tougher when infidelity is there from the beginning.

Best to you. This is a tough situation but you can get yourself out!

Jessica, i came across this newsletter today and thought of you.
I don't know if you ised the puzzle analogy with your H - i think you have tried just about everything!
Maybe this will help better illustrate the importance of why you need as much information as YOU want.

https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell

in the meantime, i agree with the others that IC might be helpful in figuring out what will be best for you. if anything, maybe he/she can provide some tools for mindfullness, meditation - anything that will help younget some much needed rest. It is impossible to think clearly or maklemany decisonwhe. Suffering form sleep deprivation!
It breaks my heart that he doesn't see the physical toll this has taken on you!

I gave him Josephs letter like this article and it didn't phase him. I don't know if its cause he doesn't care or he's not understanding. He still wouldn't talk to me

Did you give it to him recently?