I think he's falling in love with you all over again!
I'm happy for you both.

I'm trying to go with it , but I just don't want to be hurt again. Just scared.

Proceed with caution. Remember the rollercoaster. Take it easy.

Needhelp, you made me chuckle. I'm imagining moving through life following the road signs.

Proceed with caution. Bump. STOP. Construction, next 5 miles. SLOW.

I too wondered how long the sweet gestures would continue. I figured he'd try and be good for about 2 yrs, just a timeline in my mind. Well, it's been over 2 yrs now and he is trying just as hard as at the beginning.

I guess you know your H and how long his attention span is, so you may want to put a lil timeline in your head, and see if he gets tired of working at the relationship over a certain amount of time....

As Needhelp said, I think we all need to stay alert, that's just the new way of looking at our spouse's.

Triskell, I guess my post DID sound like that!! I just don't want you to get too high then too low. It happens - thus the rollercoaster. Sometimes I think they expect instant results from their ' trying to change' deeds. It didn't take too long for them to bring our world crashing down around us, but it will take a long time to show a change and to make us believe. I don't know how they turn it on and then turn it off in a matter of months. How can go from the affair ( meaningless, they say) to suddently being so in love with us gaain. But on the other hand, I was madly in love with him before the afffair and now I'm not, so in a sense, I CAN undestand how it happens. I

and yes, our lives are now full of road signs. I had plenty of signs when he was cheating - didn't know what they meant and chose to ignore them. Now I'm constantly looking for signs, hidden meanings, etc. even when they don't exist. I feel like I'm on guard most of the time now, when I want to be with someone with whom I can relax. Not there yet.

I hope nobody took my comment wrong. I guess I saw some humor through the pain.

Chewdy is getting what we are all looking for- signs that her H is on the same path with her. We need to be careful to not overlook the same things we may have in the past. But if rebuilding is what we want, we have to eventually stop making them jump through hoops. It's taking time, and I'm afraid I'll never stop questioning little signs, but too much obsessing hurts me and us.

How do we block out the hurt from the evidence that was presented of the affair. I can't stop thinking of the voice mail messages that the OW left and the text messages on his pager. The biggest problem that I have is they still work for the same hospital , yet different areas. I want to believe that he is telling me the truth , but I can't trust yet.
I really enjoy the attention and the effort that he is making , but I'm not feeling that it will make a difference yet.Is this a normal feeling to have?

I'm afraid that I'll never block out the hurt from the evidence. I know that I can put it a compartment of what what was, and not what is, a lot easier now. But reminders open it up again. I can control the potential confrontation better, but I think it's a time issue.

I broke my foot a couple of years ago. It was the worst physical pain I'd ever experienced. Now, I remember how it happened, and that it was painful, but the pain isn't there. I hope that's how the emotional pain thing works- someday, when we think back on it, we'll know it was awful, but we won't have the intense pain consuming us.

and the triggers are always there..like land mine, waiting to blow up in your face.

Last eveing in thinking that H could change his job ( which he is in agreement with) I suggested a manager job in a different area and he thought I was joking and said " how could you degrade me" Then I thought about it and aploigized not meaning any insult to him. Today I sent him a message and aske how he degraded me by his affair with this OW?

I broke my foot once too triskell. I took the damn ottoman that I tripped over when I did it out in the yard, dowsed it in lighter fluid and set it on fire. My H feels very lucky when he thinks about that ottoman, the pain it caused me, and what I did to it as a result.

OMG, Ami- you made me laugh out loud!

I had a venting discussion last night with H. I told him that it feels like I have a protective cover all around me to protect me from any more hurt. I feel like I don't know which stage of recovery phase I'm in. I explained that he had back pain that was healed with medication and surgery . My pain can't be healed like that....
I did tell him that I have a continuous knot in my stomach each and everyday he goes to work.( they work in the same hospital, but not in the same department) Not being threating , but I also told him that I really want to believe now that he has told me the truth , because if I find out anything new it is completly over...Intrestingly he had a dream that I was walking away from him and he was trying to catch up and couldn't... That's what it feels like , like I'm detached from him. Even though I did let him know that I APPRECIATE his continous effort to keep in touch with me all day by email and phone , cards , flowers ect...I just feel stuck and not able to move forward. In the discussion I told him that I am thinking of calling the OW husband and letting him know what was going on. What do you all think???

Chewdy, there are two camps to telling the OP's spouse. I think that it depends on the situation. If she is still in the picture then by all means you need to expose her to her H but if she has crawled back into the woodwork you have to think long and hard about inflicting that kind of pain on someone.

If it were me, I would want to know but the level of destruction that it creates may cause the unknowing spouse to disbelieve or hold it against the person who tells them. Maybe call the OW or write in a letter that you are going to inform her H of the A and give her a time and date in which you will do it. Tell her that if she doesn't confess to him immediately, you are going to tell him.

And if you plan on telling her H please discuss it with your H beforehand.