I'm in the car with you - right now I'm doubting my love for him and whether we ever should have gotten married in the first place. I'm very sad.

It is the hardest scariest ride you will ever get on. I am going to let you in on a secret, you are on this ride whether you stay married or not. Divorce is an option, but what happened to you and to your marriage are real, and you will have to deal with these issues, this grief, whether you stay married or not. I don't think staying married is always the correct answer, just like divorce is not always the correct answer. The problem is, this is life changing not matter what you do.

Move over WHO123E, I'm getting in the car as well. I don't have a clue how some actually make it through all this. Most days I'm just begging for some one to stop this damn roller coaster, other days I feel like I got a grip on things....But I bet between all of us we will get if figured out!

:) Don't worry gypsyrose, I kept the seat warm for you. At least if you have to ride the ride, you don't have to have a cold ass LOL!

I, too am on the ride. my He's a race car driver, but this I think is a much scarier ride! One minute one way, the next minute another way. I do think a divorce is not the answer, if your spouse now wants and appreciates you and sees you for the beautiful person you are. I know. I have seriously considered divorce. Had an apartment picked out and bought needed things for it. They are still in the garage. Also, The economy is very bad right now and I think we are in scary times financialy. As time goes on, I know if I left, I would still pretty much have the same problems with triggers etc. We have been companions for 50 years and I would miss that. Not much fun going out to dinner or other things by yourself. We have grown a
custom to each other. Oh.. decisions, decisions. I hate them. I never had much of a problem w/ any decisions before. Yes, our whole lives have changed and not for the better with some of us.
Yes, I'm with you MorganTX. Why do I want to stay w/ a man who physically loved another woman and continued to love her emotionaly for a long time. We would loose the future happy times w/ family also.
Oh well, we are old. Maybe not too many years left here

I was going to write this myself and here it is, you beat me to it.

YES! I do feel like just walking away from all this. He does not deserve me or the kids. I do not desreve to have been treated this way. But, the kids do deserve the very best chance at a "good" and happy family one day. Statisics do show they have a Much better chance at that if I stay, as long as he is good and faithful to us.

Some days are bad and some OK. I beleive it will get better, even great! one day. Let's give it time.

This ride is so painful. It seems the respondsible thing to do...... trying to save the marriage [29 yrs together]...... these are financially scary times and a horrible time to split assests...... but maybe Daisy has trumped us all. Will I be her in 20 years? It sounds like you are walking on eggshells around him. You deserve to spend your remaining hours with someone who is your friend and not your betrayer.

I know the feeling. Will we ever be happy again? Does anyone ever make it there? Is it even worth it? Divorce to me sounds like much better, at least there would be an end to this pain. The grieving would end and I wouldn't have to constantly struggle with worrying about what he was thinking, or doing when he isn't with me and if he is going to cheat again. Know what I mean? I can't trust a word he says and I wonder if I ever will. That is painful. I don't even know if I will ever love him again or have the same feelings for him again this is just so hard. What he has done to my sense of self is so awful I can't even imagine how someone can even think to betray another person that they say they love like that! The lies, the betrayal and then after dday, the continuation of lies, and half truths...that is what is so hard to live with...How do you do that to the person you vowed your life to forever? How can someone live with themselves hurting another person like that? Yet they do, they continue for years leading secret lives behind our backs and expect us to go on happily with them after we find out about it like nothing happened. Well, it is just so hard to do. So very painful.

This is one ride I never wanted to be on yet it is one that I cannot seem to get off. I can't find a way to the end. Divorce seems so appealing.... The ride would be much shorter.

Day by day.

I truly do understand the roller coaster ride. Some say it's life and others say its full of vallies and mountains. I believe no matter what decision we make rather to stay in a marriage and work out all the crooked places or divorce, in this life there will be ups and downs. Some days are better than others. I personally struggled with the same thoughts because it was hard for me to make a decision. Because my H could see that I was unable to make a decision he took advantage of my weakness and me being vulnerable to having him in my life. I had been separarted since 2006 and just last week my H filed for the divorce papers. That ended the roller coaster ride for me in the decision I had to make rather to divorce him or not. Because he filed for the divorce I do not plan to contest it. Now I have the time to think about if I want to have another relationship and marry again I can take the time to heal and love myself and make sure the next person will love me and cherish me. At least from my past marriage I now have some experiences to go by in regards to the type of man I want and what I will and will not tolerate. I have learned that if a person does not love himself nor respect himself then it is impossible for them to love us or respect us. I agree totally with amithatstupid, one day at a time. Hope you have a peaceful day today.

I UNDERSTAND you!!! On the 28th it will be 16 months and I am still on the roller coaster. Sometimes the ride is so intense I just beg to "Please let me off" What helps me is that my husband is doing EVERYTHING he can to help me. I guess when it comes to the world of affairs, the way my husband did it, to boost his ego, no emotion..NOTHING for the OW. Is a lot easier to handle in my eyes then a full fledged emotional long term affair. GOOD LUCK!