Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
So next week is Spring Break for us. My H and I are going on a trip to Arizona and New Mexico that we have been anticipating for the past year. Our daughter has been invited to go on a trip with friends who kept delaying their plans. Here we are a week out from something we have been looking forward to all year and they finally tell me where they are going. It is to Savannah. THE place where my h's A occurred.
When I found out on Friday, I could feel all the wind deflating out of my sails - because the place that now has such hurtful feelings associated with it is where my child will be while we are apart. Suddenly the name that I can't utter is in our everyday conversation because she is EXCITED to be headed to Savannah because pre dday, it was a place that held a very special place in our heart.
So I sat there and pondered over my deflated feelings and then I got mad. I'm not going to let the OW continue to take things away from me. Let my child go to Savannah and have a good time. I can say the word...."Savannah!, Savannah!, Savannah!" and I am not going to let it put a lump in my throat!
And another thing....last year I dug up my Peony's because they are her favorite flower. Well SCREW HER! I am going to fertilize those little bastards this year and make sure mine are the most beautiful, prize winning Peonies that ever grew out of this hard Georgia soil!
I will not give her power over my life anymore by not enjoying the things that meant so much to me prior to dday. I will do them, embrace them, and hopefully by taking back these "triggers," diminish the power that she exerts in my life. She is NOT worth it.
Whew....I feel better.
When I found out on Friday, I could feel all the wind deflating out of my sails - because the place that now has such hurtful feelings associated with it is where my child will be while we are apart. Suddenly the name that I can't utter is in our everyday conversation because she is EXCITED to be headed to Savannah because pre dday, it was a place that held a very special place in our heart.
So I sat there and pondered over my deflated feelings and then I got mad. I'm not going to let the OW continue to take things away from me. Let my child go to Savannah and have a good time. I can say the word...."Savannah!, Savannah!, Savannah!" and I am not going to let it put a lump in my throat!
And another thing....last year I dug up my Peony's because they are her favorite flower. Well SCREW HER! I am going to fertilize those little bastards this year and make sure mine are the most beautiful, prize winning Peonies that ever grew out of this hard Georgia soil!
I will not give her power over my life anymore by not enjoying the things that meant so much to me prior to dday. I will do them, embrace them, and hopefully by taking back these "triggers," diminish the power that she exerts in my life. She is NOT worth it.
Whew....I feel better.
But I do have to say, you get some power back when you face those triggers and say screw you.
Yes, the OW took away my enjoyment of a past California trip I spent with my daughter (they were screwing on MY living room floor and walking MY dogs when I was there), and my wedding ring (means nothing now), and I can never be sent flowers again (He sent her flowers 2x), love poems, the song Smile ("their" song - damn I used to like that song..)
My H doesn't understand, but that is because we wives tend to emotionally generalize- while the CH compartmentalizes.
Good for you!!
I want to be able to listen to JT again without feeling that terribly heavy pain in my heart. I think out of the entire 6 months of his A, that one trip has me the most perplexed. To refresh, smack in the middle of "that time" we took an overnight trip to Atlantic City and saw James Taylor at Boardwalk Hall. It was such a wonderful trip. He was so loving and we were huggy, kissy, smoochy woochy the whole time. After dday, I looked at all of the bank statements during "that time". That following Monday, he was with her.
I just can't understand how he could be so loving one day and then literally the next day be with her without skipping a beat. He has 2 stock answers for this. One was that when I was loving, he was able to be loving with me, but then I was a bitch. Give me a break! So I was so loving on the weekend, but conveniently became a bitch on Monday, just in time for him to see her again. The other answer was that he was able to compartmentalize. In other words, when he was "at work" he was "at work." When he was "home" he was "home". I'm kind of jealous of that ability! Anyway, I'm not ready for JT yet. There's still too much pain associated with it. I do want it back though dammit! Here's to taking it backl!
You go girl! I've actually thought about your flowers quite a bit over the last few weeks and hoped that they would make a come-back. Like beautiful middle fingers all pointed in her direction. : )
My husband and I just had this conversation last night. He said I need to take things back one at a time and make them mine again. I was so distraught. I thought...yup, one more thing for me to take care of. Wouldn't have to do this had you not taken everything from me and given it to her. There is nothing left that is just mine. I felt defeated.
You give me the strength to start taking these things back. Taking them back for ME! Yikes, we are becoming some strong a** women here. Look out world, we are coming out of hiding!
Lisa, you just crack me up!
I was thinking about this the other day and have decided that my first step will soon be watching Man vs. Food again. Even during his A we used to watch that and say, "We should try that place." When H went to meet up with OW in Tucson and Phoenix for the weekend, he would text ME and ask ME the names of the places we saw on Man vs. Food in those towns and then took HER! And he would take pictures of the food and send it to me and our son. I used to love that show.
Well....the peonies are blooming again. Yesterday I cut a bunch a put them on my table for Easter. It felt empowering to not let the OW take that joy away from me this year. It was my own private f-ck you to her (sorry God for thinking that on Easter) and I could feel all the power coming back in to ME!
I really do need to make a conscious effort to take each one as they come along and realize that when I allow them to upset me that I am letting her have power over me. I guess i need to order lobster next week and try to gag it down.....
(((((Hugs to all my DS friends))))))
I too feel like New York City & Washington DC have been ruined for me as the A happened mainly in those two areas. I've spent lots of itme in NYC on my own, once with him but have never been to DC. He took a trip to see the OW who lived just outside in Virgina, all new places for him. He shared these new places with HER wen it should have been with ME. That still hurts me and I have yet to take those places back, not to mention deal with every TV show or presidential news report that shows up on TV or the movies based in those places. But I do hope to get there and feel as strong as you @beach. Way to go, all the more power to you!!! :)