We stopped counseling for about six months and then it came around the anniversary of my A and Dday. We started counseling again, but don't seem to be getting anywhere. I think its because my W can't seem to talk about her personal issues about the A in couples therapy and I don't know if our C knows how to help her either, so she started to see a psychologist that her doc recommended. I hope it helps her. The affair only lasted for about six weeks which was six weeks to long. It should have never happened, but it did. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back before the A started and take back the knowledge with me on how to love my wife and how we failed to talk when somehting was bothering one of us. I am so in love with her, but she is not with me. She says she loves me, but she is not in love with me, but she hopes it will come someday.

Chewdy, I think you KNOW when you don't need some of the types of support that we have available, because we've learned how to make the next step. Kind of like taking off the water wings and swimming on your own. I've refrained from posting a lot here, and there are days when I don't even look. It sounds like things are moving ahead, as they should.

Iregret, you offer more support than you know. It is refreshing to read the words I've heard, and sometimes hesitated to believe. You help us realize that it IS possible for someone to be so devoted to finding the magic, again. I think that "someday" is just around the corner.

Chewdy, we stopped counseling after about 6 sessions. H suggested that we should shop going. My first thought was "Are you kidding, what are you trying to hide?" but the more I thought about it I realized we were doing pretty well on our own from learning what those 6 sessions gave us and also felt like we were being constantly reminded of the hurt. I haven't felt the need to go back either. I feel as you do about reading some of the infidelity posts too. Those old feelings come back pretty easily.

Iregret, please just continue to tell and show your wife just how much in love with her you are and every now and then just say how sorry you are for the pain you caused her and do this without expecting anything back. My H doesn't get upset if I don't answer him. I ususally try to but sometimes I just can't.

See my reply to "A Spiritual outlook in infidelity". Our secular counselors made the situation worse, egged us on to separate, based on our hurtful comments to one another, and did no work toward reconciliation. We still find use for a marriage counselor-a Christian committed to empowering the relationship. He was divorced from his first wife, so actually understands the pain that entails. We're happier than ever after giving up the so called secular solution to our problems.