Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
What the Betrayed Needs to Do:
Demand whatever it will take for you to heal. Granted, the unfaithful has to do the lion's share of the work to heal the marriage, confirms Weiner, but the betrayed needs to express what must be done to regain his or her trust.
Spend time together that does not revolve around the affair. "It's absolutely critical to connect again as friends and lovers; to enjoy one another's company," says Weiner. Go for walks, to restaurants and concerts â whatever it is that brings you two together.
Make the choice to forgive. An infidelity is never forgotten. The memory cannot be erased, but the act can be forgiven and gradually fade into the background of a strong marriage. It is up to the betrayed to forgive â the last step in healing. "You don't forgive for the sake of the other person," says Weiner, "but to lighten your own life" and set the stage for a renewed intimacy and connection.
Salvaging a marriage after an affair takes extraordinary commitment and effort. But therapists report that marriages rocked by infidelity frequently emerge stronger than they were before because at the end of the day, the near-fatal disaster motivates the couple to assume shared responsibility for each other's happiness.
Demand whatever it will take for you to heal. Granted, the unfaithful has to do the lion's share of the work to heal the marriage, confirms Weiner, but the betrayed needs to express what must be done to regain his or her trust.
Spend time together that does not revolve around the affair. "It's absolutely critical to connect again as friends and lovers; to enjoy one another's company," says Weiner. Go for walks, to restaurants and concerts â whatever it is that brings you two together.
Make the choice to forgive. An infidelity is never forgotten. The memory cannot be erased, but the act can be forgiven and gradually fade into the background of a strong marriage. It is up to the betrayed to forgive â the last step in healing. "You don't forgive for the sake of the other person," says Weiner, "but to lighten your own life" and set the stage for a renewed intimacy and connection.
Salvaging a marriage after an affair takes extraordinary commitment and effort. But therapists report that marriages rocked by infidelity frequently emerge stronger than they were before because at the end of the day, the near-fatal disaster motivates the couple to assume shared responsibility for each other's happiness.
For example after dday for me, my H kept his cell phone hidden. I got anxious about it but did not tell him it was upsetting me. Finally I got all agitated and brought it up. His reply was that he was locking it away each evening to show that he was not using it at all since their A was primarily a texting A. It was a logical explanation. He was trying to be sensitive to me.
I told him that I need to see the phone because with it being kept in his car at night it implied that he had something to hide. He thought he was doing me a favor and instead it was upsetting me. Our solution was that I got access to the Verizon passwords to log on and view the calls and texts at any time PLUS the cell phone is kept in a public place at home.
I guess I wanted to share with my DS friends the importance of communicating YOUR needs for what YOU need to see happening to help you build back trust. Sometimes something as crossed wires and uncertain expectations can hold you back from moving forward.
Trouble is I am not exactly certain what it will take for me to heal, but for starters honesty and transparency area must. Patience is another. H's been told and is trying...