Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
First of all, are you seeing an increased speed in the forums since DS did their server update? I know for me, reading here was really slow even though we're on a cable connection.
Most importantly, how are you all doing in your Rebuilding? My husband & I have made some good progress in the last couple of weeks. My bad days are becoming further and further apart. I don't dwell on the A or the OW nearly as much. I've got other issues to work out that are mine alone, getting back out into the world, maybe getting a job or finding something to fill my time other than sitting at home.
We have had some major stress from our daughter...she is 22, doesn't live at home, and has really been struggling to get her life in order. Things are looking up for her and her roommate, DD got a job and will be getting a paycheck at the end of this week. If they both keep working, their situation will slowly improve. She causes stress for both my H and myself, but we are getting better at keeping it separate from our marital issues.
At almost 18 months since D-Day, I feel like I've really come a long way. This is mostly due to my husband's willingness to do whatever I ask of him. He has been great, and very patient as I work through all this crap. I've been working at making him a priority as well. I don't know if this knowledge will ever leave me completely, but I can honestly say I don't believe it will continue to trip me up. The triggers are lessening, I'm able to "diagnose" what might be really bothering me, and not lumping every stress under the affair.
I hope the lack of postings here is a good sign from our long-time posters. Please, if you're knew here, know that this a safe place to vent, talk, or just ask questions. There are many members here who are willing to talk to you, or just listen. We'll give advice if you ask for it, or just offer a hug and support.
I wish you all the same progress that I've seen in my own life.
If anyone sees something here that you don't think is appropriate, you can send me a private message, and I'll take a look at the post or thread. I don't do a lot of monitoring or deleting, but I do try to read all posts.
Most importantly, how are you all doing in your Rebuilding? My husband & I have made some good progress in the last couple of weeks. My bad days are becoming further and further apart. I don't dwell on the A or the OW nearly as much. I've got other issues to work out that are mine alone, getting back out into the world, maybe getting a job or finding something to fill my time other than sitting at home.
We have had some major stress from our daughter...she is 22, doesn't live at home, and has really been struggling to get her life in order. Things are looking up for her and her roommate, DD got a job and will be getting a paycheck at the end of this week. If they both keep working, their situation will slowly improve. She causes stress for both my H and myself, but we are getting better at keeping it separate from our marital issues.
At almost 18 months since D-Day, I feel like I've really come a long way. This is mostly due to my husband's willingness to do whatever I ask of him. He has been great, and very patient as I work through all this crap. I've been working at making him a priority as well. I don't know if this knowledge will ever leave me completely, but I can honestly say I don't believe it will continue to trip me up. The triggers are lessening, I'm able to "diagnose" what might be really bothering me, and not lumping every stress under the affair.
I hope the lack of postings here is a good sign from our long-time posters. Please, if you're knew here, know that this a safe place to vent, talk, or just ask questions. There are many members here who are willing to talk to you, or just listen. We'll give advice if you ask for it, or just offer a hug and support.
I wish you all the same progress that I've seen in my own life.
If anyone sees something here that you don't think is appropriate, you can send me a private message, and I'll take a look at the post or thread. I don't do a lot of monitoring or deleting, but I do try to read all posts.
I wish we didn't ahve to deal with the other stresses of life(kids/jobs/etc...) while trying to get our love back, but that is life, RIGHT ??? My son (17) has put extra stress on me and H during this ordeal,(ya think? he's angry) plus he has had health issues in the last 5 months, so I'm taxed to the max...I just remind myself, you wanted kids, this is your responsibility...I hope you are really as happy as you sound. I want to be there someday, soon.....XOXO
I think some of the quiet here has to do with the rational attitude that USUALLY holds sway. Also, some of us have founded other sites for more specific problems -- every new site dealing with Infidelity tends to dillute the pool. I have one, I've been thinking of disbanding mine just to get more fish back into the more established pool. Haven't decided yet but it is decidedly sluggish, and Out Of The Fog is almost extinct! Speaking for myself -- there are some subjects I just didn't want to bring-up on this site (generalizations, personal attacks, and "team" {cheats vs. Bet.s} mentality) because it seemed to take away from the main thrust of this site ...
My least favorite T-shirt, last spotted on a small child? Says, "Benevolent Dictator" on the front. Cute, but frequently taken too literally.
My Dad once said to me, "I'm not your friend, I'm your father!" He was a pretty good one, given what he had to work with ...
Another major factor in parenting is that both mom & dad need to be on the same page. We worked hard at not letting any of the kids ever work us against each other. As far as our kids were concerned, we were a united front. If we ever disagreed about a parenting issue, it was done behind closed doors, although we rarely disagreed. We were pretty strict, but as they have gotten older, they have shown their appreciation for how strict we were.
We also opened our home to their friends. There were many years that our family room was taken over by groups of young people. But we knew where they were and who they were hanging out with.
There were rough times, DS#2 was a handful, but they are doing so well now. All 3 are in college, paying their own way, all are married. DS#3 has a 14 month old son, and another on the way in November. He works full time and goes to Seminary, his wife is a stay-at-home mom, which is what they both wanted in their marriage.
I guess we did ok, but it certainly wasn't easy. In fact, it was downright hard at times. Now we are "friends" with our kids as they get older. During those growing up years, we were the PARENTS, but always involved.