I didn't separate, so I can't speak from my OWN advice, but my mom did walk out on my biological father when I was 8 months old due to HIS abuse. She always said it with pride after the fact, though I know it was very, very hard on her at first.

Mom couldn't leave because of what he did to her, but she was scared he would either be abusive to me or that staying would teach me that it was OK for men to treat me that way. I'm glad she left.

Sadly, many cheaters will mistreat their spouses from guilt and a lot of times they will build up any wrong thing their spouse does (like not keeping the house clean, or not keeping themselves fit/tidy/whatever, etc.) in order to justify their outrageous and immoral behavior. It's not right, and you DO NOT have to put up with it.

As for being dirt poor - I wish I could respond and offer assurances, but I don't have them since I've never lived in Australia and I don't know what you're entitled to or not. I do know that here in the US he would be expected to provide support for any of his children until 18 (and potentially longer if college expenses are factored into a divorce settlement) and support for you for a set period of time (usually 1/2 the time you have been married, but this varies wildly and widely.) I feel certain that he will be expected to provide SOME support of some kind - and that yeah, it probably won't be enough for you to live as comfortably (financially) as you have been. BUT... you'll know with reasonable certainty what you WILL be getting and you won't have to worry about it being pulled out from under you whenever he feels like punishing you or just walking out.

Taking back control over some of your life may be just the thing you need to find healing. I hope you're able to consult a lawyer or someone else more knowledgeable where you're at locally. I'm sure there are resources available that you don't even know exist. Sometimes when you go looking, all kinds of doors open.

Good luck to you.

This is gonna sound REALLY weird, but your husband almost sounds like an alcoholic. I kid you not. That is TYPICAL behaviour of an alcoholic. That is so weird. Anyhow, it is very obvious that he is abusive and "gathering an army of recruits" to vouch for him and against you. From now on, I would make notes of EVERYTHING that occurs between you.... AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. I think he was planning on leaving you, but has his own agenda when the divorce lawyers come into play, and therefore is doing all this gossiping etc. He wants to prove that you are an incompetent mother and wife, so that either he can get the child from you, or get out of financial support, or prove to the court that you are insane. There is something SERIOUS going on here. I have been reading your threads for a while and THAT is how I am coming to my conclusions. You moving out and living with a sane person who can vouch for your sanity is the BEST thing you can do, BUT NO MATTER WHAT, write down dates and conversations you have with him from now on. If he accuses you of wild behaviour, you will have notes to prove him wrong. also write down all the evidence and stuff that leads you to think that he has an affair. Like that work schedule. Write the time and date he did this and what he said. In future if you decide to get together for councilling, if you keep on writing down what he says, you can always refer back to prove where he lied. You must be emotional at the moment and when like that, it is very easy to doubt yourself when he lies about shit. WRITE IT ALL DOWN for your own good and benefit, whether you divorce or reconcile in future.

You are not just separating to give him an ultimatum, you are separating because you deserve to honored and respected. In case he pulls his head out of his but and is ready to change, have clear expectations you have already thought through on what you want to see before you would come back. Try and get these locked down now, because there are going to be highs and lows, and you want to be clear about what you need, and not let a low make you settle for just returning to an empty promise of change and the same situation.

This one may be a good read for you:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509335&AP=1&HL=

Thank you Allora, muscle girl and going-you were very helpful.
Everyone: Any more thoughts or words of encouragement are welcome. I'm really having a hard time and every bit is very much appreciated.

When the going gets tough I like to sit back, close my eyes and put my eyes on where I want to be in 5 years, and how I want the people in my life to be treating me.

5 more years of what has been going on since you child born does not sound good, does it?