So... yesterday Huz and I dropped our teen daughter off to hang out with friends and took advantage of already being in town to go to a local pub to nibble and drink and hang out. It was quite lovely and quite "grown up". I say that because most of the stuff we like to do, well... isn't? I mean, not as per the social norm, anyway. We still both regularly play RPG's, video games, and it isn't unusual to catch either of us essentially playing with paper dolls. (OK for me, it's SIMS 4 and for him it's a 3D graphics program, but really... same thing, we're both dressing up our virtual people in outfits. Heheh.)

I was thoroughly enjoying myself and just basking in his company when I asked him, "Did you ever see yourself here 22 years ago when we met?" I expected some sort of light laugh and a, "I don't know what I expected," or "I didn't care where I ended up as long as I was with you," or... I don't know. Something simple and light.

Instead, my husband started into a, "Well, I know we've had a rough go of it at times, but I wouldn't change anything," speech. And here's the thing... I should be pleased that he acknowledged that things weren't always easy but that we stuck with it anyway - instead I'm hurt that he said, "I wouldn't change anything," because I WANTED him to say... "except for the affair..."

I know. I know. So nit picky. But it hurts so badly.

To be fair, I don't know fully what was going on in his head. Maybe it was a way for him to say, "This terrible thing happened, but look how much better off we are for it." Maybe he didn't even THINK of the affair, which leaves me both resentful, cos how could he NOT? and also comforted, because sometimes I worry he still thinks of the OW, even though he says he doesn't.

I don't know. I'm just torn and have been cooking on this for awhile. I'm sure I will just let it slip into the nether as one of those conversations that stung because of my own weird brokenness, not out of anything wrong or bad, but still...