3rd anniversary of DDAY is next month.

Roses and thorns.

We are a better functioning couple and more in love than we were before his affair. I am so grateful we will get to celebrate 20 years of marriage next year.

I still am haunted ocassionally, but not because of him or us. A little piece of me broke when I found out about his betrayal. It's been glued back together and is functioning, but it's still fragile.

Am I glad he cheated? Emphatically - NO. But if we hadn't hit rock bottom, I don't believe either of us would have made the changes necessary to build the marriage we have now. I wish we had been smart enough and strong enough and brave enough before...

We can't change the past so we live in the present and look forward to the future. That's a success I'm willing to hold on to.

I am working on mine right now. Still early, 3 months since full disclosure. Things are improving - but I will have to say clarity has just recently set in over the last couple of weeks.

There are a few people here who have reconciled and are happy. I would imagine that there are many many stories where couple get through something like this - you probably wont hear from them because for the most part they don't need forums like this any longer.

How long have you been dealing with this?

As I said I am fairly new to this whole thing so I don't have much to give - but I can say a couple of things.

1. Don't jump to any rash decisions. Too many emotions to work out, no way to think clearly.

2. You spouse is also dealing with the fallout and is probably not able to communicate with you properly - what they have to say may help you heal or understand why something like this may have happened.

3. Lastly, if my wife wasn't fully committed to repairing the damage she caused by her affair I don't think I could have made it this far.

Maybe if you share a bit of your story we can help you a bit more.

I responded to your post on infidelity but I'll say it here too. I am in a good marraige 3+!years post dday. I would say alloras description is perfect and says exactly what I would have said.
Pink

Yeah, I am in a positive reconciliation.

Alorra: Wonderful Post!!!!

The Magic Rat: Well, we had talked about Couples Counseling and I know a part of him still loves me. We have been together since 1985 and known each other since 1981. He started an affair with his married employee. She still works for him and without "no contact" I have been hesitant to do couples counseling so I think our prospects as of today are dismal. He claims to be in IC and I am in IC and I do see some progress but for me, it is not enough quick enough and especially not after the time we have spent together. He wants to spend time together etc as part of the rebuilding process. I did that some but with the married employee still working for him 40 hours a week and us physically separated I just struggle with that.

That would not work for me either. So your question really is:

Does anyone have any positive reconciliation stories to share where their cheating spouse stayed in frequent contact with the person they cheated with?

Ask that on the infidelity board and watch the thread light up.

Sorry!

Yes, that would be me, goingtobeok! My husband still works with the OW. I hate it. It's difficult for me, knowing she's just down the hall. BUT I am able to keep and eye on things with her being there AND if I catch them
again, I now have leverage. I WILL go to management. She'll be shown the door and their affair will be public.

My H swears there is NO contact other than work issues. I know he's a liar, so what can I say? I hope he is
telling me the truth.

We are doing OK. He's fine, it's me who's having a difficult time - still - a year later. 2012 was living hell.
I would be doing better, if the OW were out of his life forever. Dead would work just fine. I do know that
sounds terrible, but I've known this woman for years. She's been a guest in my home, been to my children's weddings. She is evil. She wanted to step into MY life.

I try every day to work on the life I want for myself. I don't let things slide like I used to. I ask more of him. He seems to be happier. We do more things together. But he is a selfish person.

My husband worked in a different office but still ocassionally "with" the OW (I think roughly 3 times?) in the first year after discovery. I thought I/we could handle it, but it inevitably destroyed any progress we had made. Eventually, after OW tried smacking the bees nest with his office one too many times, she was threatened with a lawsuit by my husband's work if she didn't leave him completely alone.

This is one reason I FIRMLY beleive in full disclosure. I was asked by huz's office to not tell the other woman's office about the affair and so I didn't. If I had, her work would not have allowed her to work with him - saving everyone a lot of pain. Oh, well.

There was ONE other time he "almost" had to work with her, and it tore me up so badly that I was almost as emotionally wrecked as the weeks after DDAY. That's when my husband first brought up the idea of getting out from under our house and moving away so he would NEVER have to work with her again.

It was one of the hardest things to do. We had to offload our house in a short sale. We weren't sure if Huz would or could get a transfer to the area we wanted to go. I had to leave behind friendships I had cultivated for more than a decade.

It was the best thing we ever did.

I have not been so at ease since before I discovered his affair. My husband even laughs louder and smiles easier. When we reach for each other, there is no hesitation. When he goes to work, I feel no dread (other than the fact that his job can be life endangering... Heh) and I feel like we have found peace - FINALLY.

It may seem impossible - but there are ALWAYS choices. Even choices that look terribly hard or miserable may not be as bad as staying in an ugly rut and doing the same things over and over again expecting different results.

Change is HARD. Change HURTS. No lie. But it can be so liberating and bring such joy, too.

Getting the affair partner out of a married couple's life is imperative to "clean healing". Can it be done with the affair partner still somewhere in the picture? Maybe. But the scars will be more tattered and that little broken piece inside even more fragile.

Just saying.

We're at that 3.5 year mark and H worked with OW until she was terminated a year ago. It was hard at first because she kept trying to reel him back in, but she finally moved on to a new relationship and that was it.

I'd say we're in a positive reconciliation - some days more positive than others. : )

So glad to hear about all of your progress. Too bad I can't not include myself in your group. I feel that we do things together.....to have fun as a couple. He is very happy spending time working outdoors then when it gets dark he is so tired that he falls asleep. Getting to the point to end my "marriage"

It has been just over a year, my h and I went thru a seperation for a year, due to his infidelity. He wanted to leave, anyway a year later and with lots of commincation between the 2 of us, in that year, to cut a long story short, he asked me for a reconciliation. I thought about it, explained to him my feelings were numb for now, he wanted to try agian, and I guess in my heart so did I..after 27 years of marriage I guess that I was not ready to let go.
Anyways as I said, it has been over a year, so far we have fared well, is it the same, prob. not as yet, but we do manage to enjoy ourselves, we laugh a lot more than then we used to..while he was having an affair, he barely made conversation, if he did it was really bland.
He seems a changed person, however I cannot say for sure, he has put his OW out of his mind, I say this because he was passionate about leaving me for her at one time.
Now having said all this, you may wonder why i am still with him and how do I trust him, well sometimes you need or at least I need to test myself on my level of forgiveness, he really tries harder this time more so than ever before, I on the other hand and a bit less giving this time, but we still gel.
so to answer your question in my long winded way , I really do not know what the next year or one after holds, it is walking a tight rope sometimes, but am I glad I took him back/reconciled, for now the answer is yes, does it get better, in some ways the bonding can get stronger, even after infideltiy. do you ever forget or forgive, gues time will tell, too soon for me to say, however I will say at this point " it is easier to forget then forgive' hopefully as time goes by the 'forgiving' part will get stronger.
I am giving myself time and have told my H I need the same before we are somewhere back to a balance or 'where we started' although I do not know if that will ever be possible, I hope to some degree we can .
sorry for the life story....trying to put my feelings into words, so much emotion and turmoil in the last few years it feels like a 'storm came, went and now the clouds are floating'

I am still in the process of rebuilding, wouldn't say we've "made it to the other side" but I feel positive about life and even my marriage, and its taken longer than I expected to say that.

In a nutshell, my nightmare because January 2012, and as we approach the 2 year mark, I can say I feel closer and stronger with my husband than ever before. The first year was extremely emotional for us both and a bunch of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. At the one year mark, we decided to take a physical break, it was too much painful energy around us. We spent 6 months apart, and although we talked it helped us get our priorities somewhat in order. Now, since May we have lived under the same roof again, and although it has been a hard road- things are starting to fit together again. We have rearranged so much in our lives to be positive for us both and are truly able to talk about anything, that I feel that regardless of how we end up- we can definitely part ways as friends or grow old together as lovers lol. I say that I guess because I don't feel I can ever get that guarantee back that we will be together forever, and perhaps I was naive to feel that way in the first place. I also haven't had that overly romantic moment where my husband gets down on his knee and asks me to remarry him or something over the top like that (lol, am i weird for wanting that?). We still don't wear our wedding rings, and although we are committed to one another and rebuilding, it is so far still one day at a time. I miss the feeling of being able to invest in a future with someone, and perhaps that will come with time, but right now I feel much lighter and happier about any outcome that could come. I stuck it out, when others would think I am crazy and pathetic probably for doing so, but in the end I am glad I did. It has been worth it to me, and to me that is all that matters. I have a wonderful support system in my husband and we are building a new life together that we both love.

my dear myblvdofdream, I can so relate to everything you said above, I am in exactly the same boat , physiclaly and emotionally, I am so glad I read your post, it makes me feel so much better about myself, especially as I had the same issue with everyone thinking I was crazy and pathetic to go back to him, but for now we are working it out and I am glad I did, but having said that, 'yes' I also dont feel there are any guarantees it will work out , happily ever after, like I used to when I was first married.

Thank you all for sharing you stories!!