((hugs)) No words but sending you a ton of support today.

I had written all that last night and waited to see if I still felt the same this morning. I do. I have taken antidepressants, anti anxiety medication. It never gets better. I do not think I can ever get over this. For me to feel ok, he has to be perfect with me. I feel duped because he worked so hard to get my live back after the A and I just keep hanging on to that. But that is not him. It's how he won me to begin with. He's full of Sh#*! And I'm the dummy who took it for real. We have been together so long, there is an ease of interaction. But This is not the life I agreed to work on. I'm so tired. I saw a saying "it's not that I don't care. I just can't anymore"
I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore I think. I am a very affectionate person, so that comes naturally to me. But it doesn't seem to come from the same place anymore. It's more like caring for a family member, not a romantic love. Because I don't get that from him. God help me, I want someone else and have really considered it because I can't see getting a divorce.

It's really hard to rebuild a marriage if the trust isn't there. I honestly think the middle years are so tough because there's nothing active to do, and waiting for the trust to rebuild is like watching paint dry. That watchful waiting stage - hoping the changes are permanent and waiting for confirmation - is a killer.

In sorry this is happening. Can you try mc ? Really work on the issues outside the A. Maybe the love language book?

Ive certainly had my moments over the years since dday where I second guess if it's all worth the work. Marriage is tough under the best of circumstances but an A can really just blow it all to pieces.

Stay strong and carry on. If the plan is to stay until its time to leave, then try to make it the best 6 years you can.

Big big big hugs to you, Heather.

Make the best of whatever you're doing. If the marriage isn't making you happy but you still feel like you need to stay, then yes, do make the best of it, as Pink said. Find other pursuits, interests, and joys to keep you going.

Though, really, why? Why stay just to be miserable? One of my high school boyfriends went through that - his mom left his dad the week after he graduated from high school. It didn't make him glad that she had stayed "for the family" - it made him feel guilty and ashamed. He felt like it was his fault his mom had to wait for her happiness instead of pursuing it earlier when she was younger and could have enjoyed it more.

I'm not saying leaving is the only choice or the best choice, but don't take it off the table "for the kids". Your kids need to know - for themselves!! - that if a situation is unhealthy (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially...) it's OK to go after something healthier. As adults, you know they will look back and think of how you were when they were growing up and they'll be happier and more well adjusted knowing YOU were happy and well adjusted, ya know?

Bah. I got nothing... ignore me. Except the big hugs part. That part is coming your way regardless. :)

I am amazed time and again at the open living and non judgmental support I get here. Thank you all. We are in the midst of deep introspective talks about what does and does not work with us. Very difficult. Thanks for all the support.