I truely believe in forgiveness and God's love. I try and listen to everyone's point of view. I am compassionate and hate to see him in pain. I cope with pain by facing it head on and talking about it. I think this has helped me come this far. I have had to let go of my happily ever after belief.
Pride is really holding me back, "how could he do this to me" when it was really about him.

I have always been the "peacemaker" at work, at home, etc. When people get upset with someone I have always been the one to try and point out other things to consider about what might be going on in that persons life. I guess a few days after dday happened I was able to say my husband is human and has made a mistake. But I'm not perfect either...so he is saying he is sorry and truly meaning it....so he deserves a chance. And like Anguished...I do believe in forgiveness and God's love and if God is willing to forgive me for my transgressions, aren't I to do the same?

The biggest hurdle in my personality is that I am slightly OCD and can get obsessed over little details. Add that to my slightly manic tendencies and I can get worked up really fast. And then other days the peacemaker comes back out and I can deal with things. What a cycle!!!!!

Helped: My ability to communicate, my ability to empathize (this was huge) my ability to forgive, my determination to heal. Oddly enough my impatience. I normally find this to be a bad trait for me, but in this case it helped alot because I was even more determined to work through it and heal as soon as possible. I didnt want to feel a single day of pain longer than I had to!! My strong sense of fairness also played a huge part since I was so determined to be fair to him even though I was deeply hurt.

Hindered: My low self esteem, my fear of abandonment, my anxiety, my strong anger, my need to punish him and make him hurt as I did. My jealousy of the OW..... That was a real stinker to get past!

Helped: How much, how UNBELIEVABLY much I love my babies and want them to have a good home and childhood. My spiritual path that teaches me how to accept and end suffering and ultimately compassion for those who wrong us. And Just plain old stubbornness. I am going to stick it out.

Hurt: I join Anguished in the Pride category. I would love nothing more than to email the OW that I divorced his a** because I am too classy to kiss anything she had her lips on.

It's an alleycat like quality that I have. I just keep on bouncing back. I'm also a very tolerant person. My analytical side has been my down fall. I just need to analyze every piece of information to death. Sometimes I went through the phone bill and old Facebook postings simultaneously trying to figure every moment out. Not to mention going through the multimedia messages to figure out how many times a day they engaged in phone sex. I analyzed it to death and my detriment.

I believe in forgiveness too, My H has a very soft side and I can see how if he felt I didn't want or need him any longer-I can see him reaching out to someone else. Doesn't excuse it, but he is not a emotionally strong (although he likes to think he is) and I think he was feeling devastated when he felt me drifting away. I just wasnt drifting toward another man-just all of the problems I was dealing with, with my drug addicted daughter. I love him enough to recognize that weakness in him. He can't be alone.
My downfall is I keep obsessing on the emotional part of him that he gave to her. I want to hurt her and scream he was mine! You had no right! I want to hit him and scream-how could you rip my heart out like this! How could you destroy the complete certainty I had in our love and our marriage? I have to learn how to deal with that!

Helped : I am a happy person and a peacekeeper. I believe in forgiveness and I love my husband and kids. I also had to look deep in myself to realize that I'm strong and no matter what I can over come anything I set my mind to.
Hurt: my anger towards him and the A's. I am not a bad person and i wouldn't hurt anyone but man I get so mad about it. He did not think with the right head and made some shitty choices so yep I'm mad!!!

Beyond a shadow of a doubt the downside of my personality is I am an extreme analyzer about everything. I must know, and then I come at every situation from 100 angles. That's everything, not just the H.The upside of my personality is the same thing actually, I am able at times to objective about it all. I think too I have been a person who seeks personal growth my whole adult life, so in some ways I have seen this as an opportunity for more growth. My H has too, so that's a definite upside. Another downside is my pride. I have worked so hard to remain dignified in my life regardless of others behaviors, but man this made me feel foolish, it causes the most resentment and its the most difficult thing for me to not pursue destruction on. To both of them. In the end though, if I give up my dignity, then the whole thing causes me even more damage. I am simply not wiling to give up who I am no matter what's transpired.