Do you believe her? Did she ever wonder why in 2 1/2 years she never met He's friends or family or why she didn't go to his house? I don't think I'd be feeling sorry for her. They were both wrong. Granted I haven't been in that situation and am not that trustworthy with anyone since finding out about A.

sounds like a really great experience - i think that can only happen when the OW is a normal person who honestly didn't know the CS was married and then feels horrible about it. The OW in our case sent me a FB message that was full of half-truths and some outright lies. About 6 weeks after DDay she sent a naked pic of herself to H and he let me handle it.

I'd be very skeptical of whether she's telling the truth. OW in many cases are selfish b-tches who only care about themselves. They also like to play the victim. My H's OW knew he was married with 2 children and she still played the victim. She was no victim. She went after my H with her boo hoo, "my husband is so abusive" bull sh-t! Maybe I'm jaded, but cec has some great points there. Did she get you H on weekends and holidays? Probably not. Did she meet the family and is friends...doubtful. She knew, even if it was never confirmed. Anyway, you can believe what you want...I'd never be convinced.

I do believe her. She lives in Asia so they physically saw each other a handful of times. Their contact was mostly through Skype and emails. I am of the same Asian culture with the benefit of my American ability to, umm, "clean house" efficiently. She was very traditional in the sense that she made him tell me before she did. And when he told her he did, she did the passive-aggressive "Well, how do I know you did? I need proof." And that meant talking to me.

At first I didn't want to talk to her. Then I decided after a few days that we needed some closure. I walked into the living room, ordered him to call her, and caught her off guard at about 3 AM her time. She was naive and wanted so desperately to believe that my h couldn't take their relationship to the next level because his son (my stepson) needed to graduate high school first.

I really feel sorry for her. She's my age, 42, and never been married. He must have seemed like quite the catch. They talked about marriage and possibly having children. (He already told me about these details so it wasn't like I was caught off guard.) Apparently, she even told her mother about him.

I didn't ask her if she thought it was strange she didn't meet his family. She was just naive, just like I was in not seeing the subtle signs of the A. I appealed to her sense of decency by telling her that any attempts to damage him will hurt my family, my children. I told her she happened to have a horrible boyfriend, but I have a horrible husband. My damage was far worse.

I don't think any naked pics of her will show up. What a crappy experience you had, lisalisa. How did you clean house?

I'm so sorry you're going htrough this shtmyhbdid ( I love that screen name! I really do!) But so admire your strength and ability to confront head on and such an early stage! Keep up the great work girl! Go get 'em!

I'm also very impressed with the way you handled it. I've been trying to decide if I want to see the OW one last time before moving away, and can't decide. Not sure if the possible benefits would outweigh the risks in my case.

Keep up the good work! HUG!

Thanks, destined and 17, it was the first time I felt like I was taking charge of SOMETHING. It's funny how good I can feel about something one moment, and then feel like a complete failure the next.

cec and znz, I'm so sorry you had your experiences. I think the proximity of the OW to your families made it all the more obvious and glaring that the OW were indeed skanks. I thought long and hard about your comments about being more wary and jaded. But I still trust my instincts. I saw how she was trying to inflict as much pain as she could as revenge while talking to me, but if you're overseas, how much can you do? She threw out details about the A, threatened to sue for money (she paid for 3 plane tickets to visit him out here, dumbsh*t) but ultimately knew that I was right when I told her she had no legitimate case and even if she did, she'd only be hurting me and the kids. She deflated like a balloon.