I think he should give you the password to the email account for when you are READY. It sounds so harsh and envading, but i think it's necessary. Necessary, as a direct result of the A. If there was not an A, then we've got another situation altogether. IMPO, it's all part of the rebuilding process.

I know what you referring to when you say you over reacted. I get that feeling a lot. You get to a point, sometimes, when your overwhelmed and out of control.

When the A was first revealed (or confirmed) I was in shock. There were a lot of questions I didn't ask. I think I didn't give myself enough time to absorb what was happening, and constructively think of the questions I NEEDED answers to. Now, a year and few months later, I wish I would have had more CONTROL over my emotions and really thought about the things I wanted to know - the questions I wanted to ask.

So... I've learned a really valuable lesson. If there is ever a next time (as far as revealations) I am going to try to remain calm, so that I can get the information I need in order to make the best decision for ME.

I would bet that there isn't a single person here who hasn't overreacted at some point during the time since Dday. Those raw emotions have to go somewhere, and I also think it's important for the betrayers to see concrete visual evidence of the pain they have caused us.

Thanks, I really believe that H is trying

Yes, and that's why you feel guilty for over reacting. I understand!

You need to go into the email and block her email address from his email box or have him delete that email address and get a new one. I know it is a lot of work but well worth it. I found out about my H Cheating by an emails I found. He had to change that as well as his cell #. It may be an inconvience for him, but a small sacrafice he has to make for what he has done to you. I think there are going to be times we over react, but I think that shows how much they really hurt us.

The really crappy thing is that you need to educate yourself on the computer, especially if your H has better tech skills than you.

If they're not quite ready to let everything go, or want to maintain their privacy, do you realize just how easy it is for them? First- deleting links/accounts/saved articles and emails... they'll rename them, calling them something completely unrelated that you'd never suspect. Email deceit is a no-brainer. It takes literally 3 minutes to set up another email account. One mass email showing the new link... then delete. How about net surfing? Turning off the auto delete history is simple, and gives them the look of innocence. Did you look for any "private" browsing links on the pull downs? A whole new browser appears and the history doesn't appear on the first internet page that opens when you hit your internet connection. So they could go to any site, and if you didn't know what you were looking for, you'd think they were innocent and not using their computer.

AND don't forget, if you're checking out their computer- the first place to look is the trash icon. Someone can delete stuff, but if they forget to empty the trash, it's still there for you to reopen.

So, yes, transparency is necessary. But educate yourself if you are in the stage of looking for incosistancies. It's not good enough to just look at the obvious. They're so easily hidden...

I know the last post sounds cynical, but if you are rebuilding and not sure if you're both on the same path, I think it's important to know just where you both stand. If you are suspicous and not yet trusting, it will slow or hinder your rebuilding process. Complete honesty is necessary to repair past wrongdoings.

Ok, today we have counseling and last night just out of the blue I asked H if we could open his email. He calmly said that we are going to talk about his in our session today especially after the incident that happened with last week when we opened it. I blew a gasket and started packing all my things.....Why do I feel like that is the only concrete proof that I have that the EA is over???