Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I feel like I only come on DS and write about the bad stuff that H does, and when I'm struggling with his behavior.
It's so easy to let the bad/negative things cloud our minds. I thought we could all make a list of some of the nice things that your spouse has done for you.
1. He chose to stay with me and work on the marriage and try to save our family
2. When I asked him to record a song for me for my birthday - he did it even though it was super embarrassing for him. I listen to it all the time and I love it - it calms me down.
3. He goes to therapy and tries his best. I feel some times like I don't give him enough credit for when he tries because I am wanting/needing alot right now.
4. He is physically loving - touching, kissing, holding.
5. He is wanting to help out extra- do the dishes, wash my car - that kind of stuff. It means more to him than it does to me but I still need to appreciate the effort.
6. He is truly completely full of remorse. He isn't great at expressing his feelings - but when he does I see the kind of pain that he has about what he did. He says he wouldn't do it over again if given the chance and I believe him.
7. He has been transparent as she continues to try and contact him - shows me her emails, plays the voice mail. And he called her in front of me and told her that it was over forever and that she meant nothing to him.
8. He is really really loving with the kids - although he was always a good dad, but I think he appreciates having them in a different way now that he has faced losing this version of our family.
Anybody else?
Hugs to all.
It's so easy to let the bad/negative things cloud our minds. I thought we could all make a list of some of the nice things that your spouse has done for you.
1. He chose to stay with me and work on the marriage and try to save our family
2. When I asked him to record a song for me for my birthday - he did it even though it was super embarrassing for him. I listen to it all the time and I love it - it calms me down.
3. He goes to therapy and tries his best. I feel some times like I don't give him enough credit for when he tries because I am wanting/needing alot right now.
4. He is physically loving - touching, kissing, holding.
5. He is wanting to help out extra- do the dishes, wash my car - that kind of stuff. It means more to him than it does to me but I still need to appreciate the effort.
6. He is truly completely full of remorse. He isn't great at expressing his feelings - but when he does I see the kind of pain that he has about what he did. He says he wouldn't do it over again if given the chance and I believe him.
7. He has been transparent as she continues to try and contact him - shows me her emails, plays the voice mail. And he called her in front of me and told her that it was over forever and that she meant nothing to him.
8. He is really really loving with the kids - although he was always a good dad, but I think he appreciates having them in a different way now that he has faced losing this version of our family.
Anybody else?
Hugs to all.
1)G tells me how beautiful I am everyday.
2)Even on days where I feel the worst about stuff-he lets me know that this wasn't MY FAULT.
3)G writes me love texts, love notes, love e-mails very often.
4)G goes to counseling every week with me.
5)Sends me every e-mail he gets, every bill we get, every text he sends, every everything if I ask.
6)We have GREAT sex VERY often and he always tells me how beautiful I am and will certainly throw in that he loves me AND we make out A LOT which we weren't really doing very often before the A.
7)He watches our daughter so I can have some alone time at least once a week.
8)Takes me on dates once a week.
9)Makes sacrifices with work in order for me to feel better quite a bit.
10) Thanks me for and shows how much he appreciates everything I do for him even if it is the tiniest thing!
I need to let him know this!
1) He says I love You first now. It makes me feel like I am not forcing him to say it.
2) He flirts with me again. On the internet or by text or when we are at home. The looks, grabs, kisses and hugs that I dont have to beg for.
3) He talks about our future. Our dreams and goals and plans. He talks about our future children. It shows me how committed he is.
4) He listens to me and looks for ways to make me happy. One day I mentioned how i loved the jason mraz song on the radio and kept forgetting to buy his cd on my day off. The next day he was off and when I got home from work he took me out to dinner and gave me the cd with a card from our dogs. It said "Thank you mom for taking such good care of us and for putting up with dad." He signed it for the dogs with the letters backwards for one of them. Just really thoughtful and made me high on love for days. Little stuff like that.
5) He has been watching me more for signs I am spiraling down. He caught himself last night- im very chatty sometimes- he said "just a sec" when I was talking to him so he could see some part of some game. Then 2 seconds later he looked me in the eyes and said "Im sorry, i dont want you to think I dont want to talk to you. You are more important than the tv." Just the fact that the things I tell him i need- he is actually getting it. I see his effort.
I really do love him more and more everyday.
1. He tucks me in every morning when he gets up.
2. He runs me baths and makes sure I always have sugar free chocolate and caramel sauce these days...lol.
3. He regularly brings home roses.
4. He holds me when I cry or am upset with him.
5. Tman massages me almost every night...specifically my feet.
6. Tman makes me laugh when I don't think I can.
7. He gives me so much loving physical attention.
8. He bought me a fabulous new Coach purse in San Diego.
9. He works hard at fixing my triggers such as our back yard.
10. He doesn't give up.
SHE IS STILL HERE!
That means more to me than anything else.
2 - He does things around the house without me asking
3 - Thanks me everyday for letting him back in my life
4 - Calls me constantly to check in
5 - Is 1000000xs more affectionate
6 - He appreciates his time with the kids so much more
7 - Flirts with me
He makes me feel loved and appreciated every day...many times a day...he is very kind and considerate....he is affectionate and complimentary...supportive...our sex life is super....he does everything around the house....cooks, cleans, does dishes, laundry...is willing to try new things and go new places with me...we communicate so much better...he has a great sense of humor...we laugh a lot...he gives me foot massages....he really 'gets' how horrible the betrayal was... and how much he hurt me....
He took a year off from work to stay home and work on our marriage.