That is a good thing to be relieved not to have the compulsion to check. I'm not quite there yet, only 3 months since the OW is totally out of the picture....but I am checking less often than I was..and mostly when some silly thing triggers it. I don't yet feel like I'm moving forward all the time, sometimes I stall or even step backward.but I believe that will improve over time.

Beach I appreciate your posts and positive attitude. Hugs to you.

Me too- I was just thinking last night that I couldn't wait for the day when I don't have the compulsion to check his email and phone everytime I get the chance. Its nice to hear some of you say that it will lessen over time.

Very good for you ronidk. It certainly is an impulse that is hard to purge when you've gone through something such as an "A" I have stopped checking feverishly but maily because I think that if he is going to do it he will find other avenues. This is my pessimism shining through. So I check don't find anything and then secretly think to myself he's just calling from a land line at work or what have you. I have a lot of work to do!

I often think the same things amber. Wish I didn't. I know his email passswords but he could always creat e more accounts web-based.

I had a webwatcher device on our home computer, but he has a computer at work. He could contact the OW from work, its a local call, so the cell doesn't matter anymore...and there there is Pay-as you go phones...just plain great... And the tracking device in his car at one point, what if she picked him up?

It comes down to this..if H wants to see OW he will find a way.
All that checking does is to continue to make me stoop to a low point and hate myself for it. I have never been the suspicious type and it really ticks me off to now feel this way!

Also Pre confrontation Day...The more ways I found to track him, the more stealth he became.
Now 3 months after and a HUGE change in attitude on his part... my gut tells me he is not seeing her, and that is what I need to trust so we can work on our probs and start to move forward. i wish I could say at this point that I don't check at all anymore, it wouldn't be true...but I do realize what i'm doing is probably futile at this point. But yet I wonder at times, is he really changing...or is he just getting better at hiding?

2 things...for me it was alot like you beach. For so long each time my h's phone would ring or make a sound like he had a call or text message (for his phone they sound the same, even though he is not a texter) my heart would jump and I had to go in there and see who was calling. I couldnt help myself. That or I would be in another room and listen. I would check his phone too. But I was not someone that did this each day. Just when the compulsion hit. One day his phone rang and I barely noticed. I thought WOW!

The other thing was the 15 minutes. When I no longer felt the need to use that 15 minutes we agreed to...I knew I was finally in pretty good shape and had moved on.

For me it was the decision to stop asking questions. They were beginning to be huge triggers for me. My H and I have been getting along so well and h really has shared so much about the A with me. There is nothing more I really need to know. Now I can just move forward the puzzle is complete.

I had to smile when I read about the cell phone bill.
We are all so much alike in this mess.
I discovered several accounts--and spent days watching his emails--in fact, at work I would (and still do at times) keep six windows open of all accts to see what came in right away..is was sick.
My husband still has to work with his secretary--and if he pushes her to leave --she has promised to fuile a sexual harassment complaint...so- you can imagine how crappy is feels to have him leave for his office every day.
He does stay in touch and has watched his work hours closely...but still- I HAVE considered the silly spy stuff mentioned above- and then I just decided the hell with it- I will sense if they are at it again...and that will be the final blow.

I agree. I still have to check, but in the back of my mind is, there are so many other accounts he could set up if he wanted to that i wouldn't know about-so whats the point? still check though! like you mmmaforbes-I see positive changes in his actions and attitudes-and i think he has stopped. But if i do find out he has started again-that will be the death blow to us.

You are all right. If he wants to cheat, you can watch him 23 hours and 59 minutes a day and he will find the ONE minute out of that day to cheat...IF he wants. If he has to be watched forever, who wants to live like that? None of us do. I look at it this way. The part of our lives that I thought was special is gone. We are no longer clean. We will NEVER be clean again. One more affair is just piling on what is already gone - our innocence.

I don't get anxious when he starts texting anymore. Also when he goes to play golf I'm OK with it. He used to leave early for his game and then say he stayed and had drinks with the guys but really he was with her. He now calls me when he is driving to the course the he texts me during the game then calls when he is done. After everything she has done to us I really don't think he would start up again with her. I still feel pain because of what he did.

For me it was a last week. I read one of the posts about someone realizing their spouse was still cheating the A had just gone more underground. I started to think about how many people have this experience and how many have multiple Ddays. Usually this triggers me. But last week I just said "that is their story not mine". Trigger gone. I called H and told him and he was so quiet at first it scared me. Then he said that he was so happy he didn't know what to say. He went and bought us the 5 love languages book that night and said it was time to start making sure that my "new" husband (this is what he calls himself) is a better communicator. I still hurt like hell but definitely realized some progress is being made.

Not there yet--wish I was :(
I hate walking in while he is texting/emailing.
I hate remembering an event--then remembering what HE was up to during that time.
I hate that we walk our four dogs in the area He walked with HER 9with MY dogs).
I guess I hate a lot...
:(