Sometimes, you just need to cry and let it all out. I went to work with VERY puffy eyes last Tuesday and everyone kept asking me if I had slept the night before. So, I understand what you mean by the pain and tears! You are just working through the pain and I am proud of you for that! :)

it's been 9 months since i found out and i'm just coming to grips with the idea that i'll deal with the affair for the rest of my life. now, that may not sound encouraging and i guess it isn't. but, i'm living a fairly full life just 9 months after d-day and i think it will continue to get better. i guess what i'm saying is that i think there will be times for the rest of my life when i feel hurt by the affair.

I've known for a year. My H is working so hard at rebuilding my trust, and shows me every day how much he loves me and how sorry he is.

But it still hurts. I think we sometimes have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Just like losing someone to death, we have lost something. We can rebuild, but the pain is never going to be "gone" completely. Like a death, you don't get over it, you get used to it.

So, when it hurts, I cry if I need to. Or I spend a day doing nothing, or I get out of the house. But I don't expect it to just stop hurting. There's always going to be a scar.

Give yourself time to heal. Infidelity is a very painful thing to go through in a marriage and who knows if we will ever heal completely. Time does help heal the wounds of infidelity but it seems there will always be the constant scar as a reminder. We've been healing and rebuilding for a year and half now and are doing really well. The first year is the toughest by far. So cry if you need to, it's ok to hurt.

Oh...I so understand. As I know we all do! Things go well..and than...a trigger..or whatever. It can happen and does. I know that deep soulful sob...you are NOT alone

How sad that we have to get used to the pain... but that is what we have to do and hope it slowly subsides.. I know how you feel. Hang in there.

It will be two years in feb and it still hurts at times. Hang in there. I don't know if it will ever go away. i can forgive, but forgetting is hard.

Thanks to everyone for responding. I guess because my H makes it SO clear that he wishes I could just "move on" and "put it behind us" - that I think I feel guilty sometimes for my emotions. He would like it if I would never cry or be upset about it ever again.

I just can't sem to do that. I try. And often times I just hide my pain from him because that's what he wants.

But when I have to hide from him so I can go cry alone...it doesn't make me feel close to him, or feel like we are "healing"...it just makes me feel...all alone. Like a woman who loved her husband -- and her husband cheated on her with another woman and broke her heart.

I think your husband needs to see your pain. It's one of the ways the cheater deals with what THEY did. If I had to hide my pain I would totally resent my husband.

Hiding the pain doesn't mean you're healing. It means you're ignoring it. He needs to know that. There is no progress in that path. Only stagnation and more resentment.

He wish you could "move on" so he can stop thinking about it. Your emotions are real and need addressed. IMO, as long as your husband is reacting this way, you're not going to move forward. It will probably hurt in the long run because of buried anger and resentment. If he really wants to heal, he'll open up and deal with this.

Don't you dare feel guilty for your pain. You didn't cause it.

I try to be strong so much and that is really what I want to do, but I have my moments and they are tough. Sometimes it is just a minute in the shower, a few in the car, and sometimes it is a great big 30 minute "what in the hell did I do to deserve this" cry.

You are justified in feeling what you feel and you just need to deal with it however it works best for you.

There are days when I think about what he did and I just want to run. I am so afraid of being hurt like this again even though he tells me over and over that it will never happen again and we are very close. Some days I just feel like I need to get out. I suppose that it is a self preservation mechanism. I know that my life is better with him than it would be without him, but sometimes something in me just wants out. Tonight he told me that it has been at least three months since he got any email from her and three weeks since she called and he finally told her not to call anymore. I should be happy that it looks like she is finally gone from our lives, but I still have that "run" feeling.

Tonight we were playing with google earth and I typed in her address "just for fun". The satellite image that came up coincidentally was from last summer and showed his car in front of her house and it actually looked like he was walking up to her front door. At first he tried to say it wasn't her house and wasn't his car, but eventually he realized that it probably was. How ironic is that? I felt that "run" feeling coming up inside of me. He quickly said get out of this website. He said it caused him incredible anxiety to see that. So I guess we are on the same page but it causes me to want him away from me whereas he draws closer when these things happen.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just did that and HIS CAR WAS PARKED AT HER HOUSE

Oct 2007

Yuck!!!!!

Its pretty awful isn't it and it makes you realize how much they really were over at these women's houses. I could tell he felt really bad today because he has been so sweet to me and says he wants to take me away to one of our favorite romantic retreats for the weekend. I am leary though. Last year he said that and actually had me book reservations only to cancel them two days before we were supposed to go. Later when the confession came out I learned that the day he pushed to go away was the day after the first time he slept with her. I guess his conscience really got to him, but not enough to stop him from doing it again.