Oh this is so easy for me because there is so much good to report! Things immediately improved from dday on, believe it or not.

1) My husband was able to unlock deeply felt emotions on more than one occasion in ways he never has before.
2) We were both snapped out of the complacency that had become our lives.
3) We both REALLY and I mean really realized how much we love each other and how deeply.
4) We both have shown a daily committment to working on our marriage in the form of: increased quality communication, daily acknowledgements and gratitude for one another, an increase of expressed affection for one another, more of "the little things", like texts throughout the day, ecards just because, daily acts of kindness for one another, etc.
5) We look forward to seeing each other, we are excited when we have an opportunity to be alone, sex was always good, but it's even more passionate now, we just overall enjoy each other much more.
6) We no longer harbor negative feelings. Sure we still have them, but we are able to work through them in a productive way...ok not always, but more than we ever have. If we do have one of our typical screaming matches, we are able to stop it more quickly and process through where we went wrong. That never happened in the past.
7) For the first time ever, my H is working on himself. He's understanding how emotionally cut off he has been and is working so very hard to correct that.
8) I, conversely, am doing much better at controlling my temper and I'm getting so much better at expressing how I feel so that it is received and not just heard.
9) We have learned so much about each other and what we want and need from one another.
10) we are both more considerate of each other's feelings and we are no longer trying to "one up" each other.
11) We are both able to admit when we're wrong. Pride was a huge stumbling block for both of us.
12) My H is a better father, partly because he has matured and partly because he realizes how close he came to being a "weekend" dad.
13) We are both less selfish.
14) We both treasure each other and our family.
15) We pray together more.
16) We are both awake, aware and grateful we have each other.

The only sadness about all of this is that it took this horrible situation for us to get here. But the important thing right now is that we are here and we will never go back to the way things were.

This is a great list and I feel that I should drill down on my list as well. Thanks for sharing!

I just wanted to add my H's response to this post. I asked him to read my list and add anything that he felt I missed. He said that I pretty much covered everything, but he did say that this whole thing has made him realize that, when he looks back over the years, nothing was as bad as we made it out to be. In other words, anything that we were going through, any difficulties that we were having, was fixable had we just communicated. Hmmmmm, on one hand, I agree and I'm glad we've learned how to communicate, but on the other, that makes what he did all the more painful. Sucks this rollercoaster!

The biggest one for us was communication. It was really lacking in our marriage. Intimacy, better sex life, more quality time, partnership, and better parenting. We came close to losing each other twice last year and that has not been lost on us. Like you znz, we often say how sad it it that this horrible situation had to be the catalyst for change, but we are eternally grateful for the second chance.

Thank you ladies for capturing this and writing this down. I couldn't agree more. Conventional wisdom is that infidelity automatically leads to divorce. Reality is something quite different. I also agree that the emotional price tag of the affair was high, but that somehow, this is a cherished opportunity to rebuild and reformat our formerly lackluster and damaging marriage. Bizarre. I've always pondered, and judged honestly other women that have chosen to remain with a cheating spouse. No more. I'm glad to have found this board, as I really don't want to discuss this with any family or friends.

helen, I think we all thought that cheating would be a deal breaker, but no one really knows what he/she would do unless faced with it. As for me, it came down to knowing in my soul that my love for my H far outweighed my hurt and, since he is remorseful and willing to work hard to have the best marriage we can, it is well worth it to stay and fight. No one can understand what this is like unless they've lived it. So, welcome and you are among friends here.

Wow,i thought I was just reading my own inventory. Made me stop and really think and feel thankful that we were in such a better place! It hasn't been always easy and there is work still to come, but today is good!