Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I don't post very often but I do read other peoples posts and reply if I have something helpful to add.
My background is that my husband of now 26 years had an affair totally out of character with a colleague from work and that he still works with to this day. It is now 2.5 years since DDay (Sept 2012) and I had a sudden urge to look on my husband's work memory stick. I found a file dedicated to pictures of the OW (not sexy ones, just ordinary) which he has obviously kept even after I asked him to delete all pictures of her. The worst thing was that two of the pictures were relatively recent (Jan 2015) I felt like the floor had collapsed beneath me all over again. I got very angry with him when I confronted him with it. He apologised, said nothing was going on, he had forgotten they were there etc.... I put to him that not only had he deliberately kept the photos post-DDay against my wishes but had also actively added to them! He said he kept them as they represented a part of his life. It was a part of his life that he claims to regret and be sorry for (and should be deeply ashamed of) but wants to keep mementoes of?????
What about the OW, she sent the pictures unsolicited (as far as I know), why now after so long and for what purpose? Why would he keep them? That took an effort on his part to copy them and add them to this file. I even asked if he had responded to the pictures with some of his own and he admitted he may have but couldn't remember. I checked this morning on his phone and he had taken selfies on the days in question so I think that is proof enough for me.....
Should I contact the OW again? She never replied to me the couple of times early on when I tried to before. Should I finally tell her husband or at least threaten her with doing so? I have kept no hard proof to show him though. Or should I just swallow this latest crap and take his word for it that nothing is going on between them any more and leave things be?
Another thing is that they have a business trip coming up in June which will involve 3 nights in a hotel. Up until now I have managed to accompany him on such trips but this one is during school time and I won't be able to. I'm freaking out about it already!
My background is that my husband of now 26 years had an affair totally out of character with a colleague from work and that he still works with to this day. It is now 2.5 years since DDay (Sept 2012) and I had a sudden urge to look on my husband's work memory stick. I found a file dedicated to pictures of the OW (not sexy ones, just ordinary) which he has obviously kept even after I asked him to delete all pictures of her. The worst thing was that two of the pictures were relatively recent (Jan 2015) I felt like the floor had collapsed beneath me all over again. I got very angry with him when I confronted him with it. He apologised, said nothing was going on, he had forgotten they were there etc.... I put to him that not only had he deliberately kept the photos post-DDay against my wishes but had also actively added to them! He said he kept them as they represented a part of his life. It was a part of his life that he claims to regret and be sorry for (and should be deeply ashamed of) but wants to keep mementoes of?????
What about the OW, she sent the pictures unsolicited (as far as I know), why now after so long and for what purpose? Why would he keep them? That took an effort on his part to copy them and add them to this file. I even asked if he had responded to the pictures with some of his own and he admitted he may have but couldn't remember. I checked this morning on his phone and he had taken selfies on the days in question so I think that is proof enough for me.....
Should I contact the OW again? She never replied to me the couple of times early on when I tried to before. Should I finally tell her husband or at least threaten her with doing so? I have kept no hard proof to show him though. Or should I just swallow this latest crap and take his word for it that nothing is going on between them any more and leave things be?
Another thing is that they have a business trip coming up in June which will involve 3 nights in a hotel. Up until now I have managed to accompany him on such trips but this one is during school time and I won't be able to. I'm freaking out about it already!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this again - not saying he's actively involved with her, but he's being actively dishonest. It's possible that he's been looking her up on the internet and saving the pictures. She honestly might not even know he has them.
If I were in your position, I would make a MC appointment and start working on this before the trip in June. Even if he's not cheating, he's holding on to that relationship by keeping a secret stash of pictures. Are they going together just the two of them? Or is it a group from their work?
You're smart to have your antennae up as there are red flags all over the place.
Sending tons of support your way ...
If you are hiding anything you are already cheating!
I am of the mindset... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice step the hell back while I pull my can of whoop ass out!
I think this is, something that needs to be addressed very seriously before and after this upcoming trip. You can't stop them from being together but you can set very clear boundaries and clear results if those boundaries are broken.
I am sorry about this recent snag. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass real fast.