I'm not doubting the surveillance laws in your area, but you might want to consult with an attorney in your area to find out how that relates to personal use. Like surely its ok to monitor your own home for security reasons and if you happen to catch something else then so be it. Besides, you just need the info to help figure out what's going on, not use it in a court of law.

All that aside, infidelity is just a symptom of bigger issues in the CS - so even if you just have a hunch that something is going on, you can still address the other issues that surround it. There are many BS on here who never got the full truth from their CS but were able to successfully rebuild. It's totally possible.

Best of luck to you!

I believe in God and I have had many miracles happen in my endeavors to find out what my cheating husband was up to. BUT that being said, you cannot just sit around and pray. You do have to take action.

If you just want proof, get a couple of nanny cams in stuffed animals (go online) and set it up them up in different
locations in your house. Or you could drop your daughter off with a baby sitter for the day, tell your husband you
are doing something that will take you away from home, sneak back home and just wait for him.

But what I would really do is get yourself and your daughter to a safe place, contact him and read him the riot act.

Look at what you have here: a man with a beautiful young wife, an adorable daughter and he is bringing sluts into your home?! And you still want him? You are just scared. Get some $$ together, get a lawyer, get your
family on your side and get the hell out of wherever you are.

Hey sweetheart. OK, I am VERY careful at giving advice because I am not very tactful and even though I give good advice my untactfulnes can cause hurts. I tend to not sugarcoat things and I'm stinking honest, so I have to be very careful. I care about marriages (I have a passion for it... had it my whole life), so I was the last person on the earth that I thought would have a cheating husband. But I did have one, even though we were happy. So here goes (please God lead my words)

I think:

1. You KNOW your husband is having either an affair or multiple affairs. YOU KNOW. So you are already going through the hurts of it. You HOPE that you are wrong and you WISH that you are wrong, but from all the evidence and the time period, you KNOW already.

2. You are in the stage of denial and therefore do not want to push the issue because of all the FEARS and ramifications that goes along with it. You are trying to avoid the actual BLOW UP in fear of losing him, being alone, worrying about your child, your finances, the fear of rejection (what if he admits and then moves on and leaves me?)

3. You are making excuses for not tackling this thing because of these fears. However if you do not ACTIVELY bring this thing to a point, you will be on this site two years from now still writing letters like these. You've already wasted 8 months on this (8 months of your life in which you could have either moved on to a man who appreciate you and who you are and your beauty (inner and outer). Also if that is not the case you have wasted 8 months on recovering from affairs. How much time are you prepared to live like this? 1 year, another 8 months? 2 years? 5 years?

Your behaviour currently is doing ONE thing. The fact that you are internalizing your hurts and therefor acting strange (which is normal behaviour) is only giving your husband JUSTIFICATION for continuing on his path. You are enabling him. The fact that he asks "what is wrong" all the time, means in his head, he is gathering "faults" of yours to justify what he does. He is thinking: "See, look at her, she is never happy, always sad or miserable, no wonder I need to turn to other women for love, acceptance or whatever bulshit he is telling himself.

That story about the surveilance is nonsense. yes it is illegal to record people without their permission, but REALLY, do you think a judge is going to throw you in jail for suspecting your husband of having affairs and taking action to catch him? REALLY?! Woman, you have a baby, get a baby monitor that can record if you want. Go even further... get a private investigator. I promise you he will come back with evidence in one week. If he doesn't then you know you are wrong. There are video cams for people who suspect their babysitters abusing their children that has been used in courts. Do you think the judge threw the parents in jail for recording the abuse? There are spysoftware that can be installed in teenagers computers, to see if they are doing stuff wrong. Do you think those parents are in jail?

I am assuming you are working since you are not home during the day? If that is the case, why don't you put in vacation time for a week but not tell anybody and keep going through your same routine, Drop your baby off at the sitters, dress up for work, say goodbye to the husband, and leave and drive around. then come back home and hide your vehicle somewhere. Stay inside the house and hide in a bloody closet or something if you hear him come in. Wait and see if there are female voices. Don't jump out immediately. Give it some time and once you hear them go upstairs, walk on your socks or something and listen and use your senses woman. Really? Females are smart (and you are a smart and sexy female who deserves the best). You need to do something, because the longer you do nothing and sulk the longer your situation will neither change for the worst or the better and NO YOU CAN NOT WORK ON REBUILDING A MARRIAGE BY YOURSELF. Hellooo, marriage... TWO PEOPLE. As long as he does not admit or get caught, he ain't gonna stop honey. I have read on here that people in a marriage can get healed without the CP having remorse.... I doubt it but have to believe it, but how on earth can you heal something that someone doesn't even admit too?

My heart goes out to you, and I wish I was there to hold you (I am not gay) and be your friend and help you out, and tell you it will be ok. I am currently OK, but I have a partner that is sick with remorse and admitted everything to me down to the ghoriest details. That makes a huge difference. Hon, even if you are wrong (which I doubt because you are not stupid), then even that will bring your marriage to a point of some sort of blow up, so you can start digging to see what is wrong and work on it, but your current situation is even intolerable to me who is reading it. Good luck and keep us updated. I am praying so hard for you right now for wisdom and strength, that my teeth are chattering.

Big hugs to ye

As much as it sucks to verify what your gut is telling you, D-day is the first step towards reclaiming your life. If your husband is being unfaithful then your fate is currently in the hands of two people who are only in it for themselves. They aren't thinking of you, your daughter, or anyone else that might be hurt along the way.

The days leading up to my first Dday anniversary were horrible because i kept thinking "this time last year they were doing X and I didn't know about it". On the actual anniversary, my thoughts turned to "this is the day I busted his ass and got my life back" I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I am sorry. Something does not add up. You said you have found female underwear in your drawers that is not yours? How many pairs?

Affair partners do not leave their underwear in your drawers. They hide and are secretive.

He is either really really cruel and messing with you, and trying to make you feel crazy, or his affair partner is trying to get caught so his marriage will end, or something else is totally amiss.

It is just not adding up.