My husband wouldn't admit anything. A text came in at 3am once and he jumped out of bed frantically to get to it (and delete it) so I KNEW without a doubt at that point that he was cheating, but like you, I needed proof. He quickly had locked down his phone so I couldn't get in so I went to his computer (also locked down) but the dummy had never changed his email password from when he at one point had logged in on my computer, so I just dug through his email and in no time at all I had found suspicious emails and then eventually blatant proof.

So... if you can access his phone (even phone records to see who he's calling/talking to) that will help some - my husband was sending THOUSANDS of texts to the OW and hours of phone time talking to her. It won't necessarily prove that he's outright cheating, but it will give you somewhere to start. Email is another good place to start. Seems like most people don't keep communications in person only when having an affair, and in fact, most stuff like that is recorded 'somewhere' you just have to figure out where. Facebook is another place to check. Login to his account and check private messages and see if there are things on his wall that he's hidden from you.

Come home midway when you're supposed to be out, if you think he's having women over. You'll likely catch him red-handed. Ask neighbors if they've seen anything, or to keep their eyes peeled for you. If you think he's chatting with someone online or finding hookups online, then install a keylogger.

There are a ton of ideas on the marriagebuilders.com forum : http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=71&page=1 where you can get ideas on how to snoop and either ease your mind or bust him.

I don't really have any ideas on getting his guard down. Even when I stood in front of my husband with emails I had printed out from his account with her claiming to love him and talking about how great the sex was, he flat out denied that anything was going on and then abruptly said, "I can't do this right now," and left the house. In the end, he did come back a few hours later, and yes, eventually we worked things out, but ALL of the times I had mentioned my discomfort prior to that, he blew me off, placated me with, "It's nothing," and "It's just work related," and "You have nothing to worry about..." and on and on and on.

Even when I outright confronted him about the 3am text message and told him, "Just talk to me. We can solve anything together, but I can't be your partner and help you through it if you don't tell me..." he still STILL STILL lied. Which is why I went fishing for proof, because in the end, no, he wouldn't come clean.

I hope your husband does admit the truth - whatever the truth is. You might try to tell him that IF anything is going on it will be much easier for you to heal and to forgive him and move forward with him if he comes clean. Infidelity is painful and heartbreaking, but being lied to is what really destroys the trust.

What do you have access to? Cell phone records? Cell phone? Computer?

At the very least you could put a voice-activated recorder in his car.

I have access to all these things, but he doesn't seem to be using his phone or our computer-he has access to computers where he works and can get privacy, and I think he must have created a new email address or is using a dating site to communicate...As far as the recorder, I'm trying to do something legal, because I have a baby and any surveillance is a maximum of 2 years in jail...

I installed a keylogger onto our computer at home and had several secret accounts and passwords in days.

http://www.refog.com/

There's a free trial that runs for a few days. If you install it, reboot several times to make sure your security software doesn't flag it.

Just a thought -- while this may give you what you want "confirmation" -- you may want to be aware that it likely illegal unless at least one party is aware and/or consented to the recordings by federal law -- in most states (about 38 but that may have changed) one party recordings are allowed -- provided at least one of the parties participating in the conversation is aware.

There are other ways such as monitoring computers and cell phones.....change of habits -- such as grooming .cologne different clothes -- gym bag , unexplained difference in routine -- change of password or screenlocks that were not present before. It is possible he has a second phone. If you have access to account -- Verizon for example -- you can download the month of activity which will show the # called or messaged -- this is how I confirmed my wife was having an affair. I knew they were together because of the "Dead period" when neither one sent or called each other --- because the only explanation was they were together during that period.

I am sorry you are experiencing this -- If the other person doesn't admit to it -- and say they are sorry (and mean it) then I would say there is little chance of getting past that -- that is where I am presently -- we have 3 daughters together so that makes it worse


http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations