Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
So.... this morning, my H left his phone unlocked and got in the shower, so I picked it up and read his texts. Turns out he is still in touch with his AP. He has been begging her to meet. (She been ignoring him for weeks because she is angry he's still married.)
The last few weeks have actually been really great for us. Despite him still seeming, at times, sad and distracted, we've been connecting more and getting closer (and intimate...). I thought we were moving forward.
I tried to pretend I didn't see it but he could tell from my face that something was wrong so I told him what I saw.
He is angry that I hacked into his phone.
He said that he wants to see her because he needs closure. It's the only way he can move on. Is this "seeking closure" thing common or even real? Or is it him justifying his "fixes", still in the fog?
Do you think I was wrong to read his texts? Would you be upset if your BS read your texts?
Or, Do you think it's to be expected after being lied to and cheated on for almost 2 years?
Could he still be trying to keep us both? (Cake and all?)
He says it's nothing and shouldn't matter...
I think I'm becoming numb.
I'd really appreciate any advice you could offer.
I think he had been on the fence for a long time, but decided to stay.
Again. Because he’s made this decision, then started back up with her, 9 times before. Because the pain of her loss was too much. Just HAD to see her.
This time does feel different. But, truth be told, I said that every time.
Again, I think he really does love me. But he really loves her too...
It may not be tomorrow or in a month.. but he will.
Part of me refuses to believe he would do it again, the other part knows... UGH!
What is wrong with me??? Why can’t I be stronger????
"He is angry that I hacked into his phone."
As someone who did reconcile, recover and rebuild with her husband, let me tell you this is a HUGE warning sign. One of the first agreements that my husband and I made was FULL transparency. I can read his email, and he can read mine. I can check his phone; he can check mine. He was SO angry and resistant at first. Eventually, he came to see that he was only mad because he knew he was going to get "in trouble" for still talking to the OW.
His affair was nine years ago, and today we are happier, healthier, and more united than we ever were before the affair. He has not cheated since, and I don't believe he will again. We put practices in place to help us shore up our marriage and protect ourselves from further transgressions. TRANSPARENCY IS A MUST.
It also sucks, but those of us who were betrayed must also allow for a short grieving period while our wayward spouses get their heads on straight and get over their affair, too. He can't get over the OW if he doesn't stop contacting her, though. It's like a drug: the more he gets, the more he'll want.
Anyway, I have lots of advice, but I won't bore you. I just wanted you to know that you're strong and wonderful and beautiful and no matter what, you may or may not have done, HIS BETRAYAL IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Right now I am needing success Stories from people who have healed.