It's been almost 2 1/2 yrs since I took my Husband back. The affair I knew about lasted almost two years. I guess what I'm having a hard time w/ the most are the lies and broken trust. When the one person you trust the most in your life lies to you & keeps secrets the entire time you've known them, you question why you chose to continue in the relationship? Although I have forgiven my Husband, I still wonder how he could have possibly hurt me to this extent & why I would even consider a reconciliation? I spent 6 months or more in therapy but my therapist told me the only way out of the pain is through it and acceptance & moving on is the path to healing. When you lose trust in someone you love moving on is anything but easy.
I believe myself to be a woman of honor & dignity however, my reality remains a mystery to me. It isn't hard for me to forgive. What's hard is knowing what was & what could be again and that scares the living hell out of me. My Husband wasn't the man I thought I married nor was he the monster I had thought he had become. I have to take responsibility for not being the wife I could have been. Our marriage simply didn't deteriorate over night either. I stopped listening, stopped caring and basically became totally unavailable as a wife. I focused more on my career, children & grandchildren. The signs of possible infidelity were always there but I ignored them out of fear.
How many times did you wonder if your spouse was cheating before you knew? Like me, were you afraid to see the truth? How did you react when your suspicions became reality? Did any one of you seriously consider suicide as a way to escape the pain? Did any of you confront the OW or OM and wish you hadn't? I have got to put this all behind me but just when I
find myself beginning to trust him again, I get a reality check! Does this feeling ever end?