Hmm I'm not sure if that happened aftera year. The OW in my case is also the mother of his oc. Read my early journals for history. What I wanted off and on was an sometimes is a need to know She had not had a life of peaches and cream.

Knowing she can't handle me being around her kid ands that he loves being around me, satisfies that need.

Gettingback..., The OW in my case was a new good friend. We(our group of friends) met her around Christmas, 2010. Her A with my husband, started sometime in March, 2011. I found out on July 6, 2011.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I describe her - and her family (since where ever she goes -her family goes) as leaches ---- they latch on, suck the life out of you and move on to another 'victim'. Another new analogy I just thought of --- they are like a swarm of locusts. In my case, at least, they swoop in and out, leaving behind a path of destruction.
However - I also wonder what her life has been like. Has she suffered? I have been blocked from her facebook page, but I found another way in. So, when i can't stand it anymore I go there to see what she's up to. SHE SEEMS TO BE LEADING A NORMAL - NOT PAINFUL - LIFE. AND her 'friends list' is a mile long!!! IT'S SO NOT FAIR!!!!
So----- what I am trying to say is --- your OW is probably moving on and AOK. That's not going to help you.

I've have written several posts on this issue: Read the replies to 'IS CLOSURE POSSIBLE?" (3/22/11) Really Great Replies "I AM the better Woman" (3/24) and "The A Triggered Issues."
Also "DDay Anniversary Anxiety " and "Got Past DDay... ". NOT so much for what I said -- but for some of the fantastic replies and suggestions.

Just "KEEP ON KEEPING ON".. <3

Pinkpony, jillarie... Thank you both for your replies.
There are so many layers to this, aren't there?!

I have to fight myself NOT to check up on the OW - still. This is my issue - no one else's. I still feel a lot of resentment that she never had any consequences to her actions. I ended up losing my house, my support network, the professional volunteer position I had spent a decade building up, had to completely rebuild my marriage from the ground up, have spent hundreds of dollars in counseling for various family members... the list goes on and on.

And her? She married the guy she cheated on. They had a fabulous honeymoon. They bought a half million dollar house and are about to have a baby next month. Karma? Not this lifetime. Nope. She's got it all.

Ultimately, anytime I go stalk her, I regret it, because I see this picture of perfection. Sure, nothing's perfect, but there is also no "lurking doom" that everyone promised me when I used to gripe and complain about the OW. "She'll get hers!" "Her husband will probably cheat on her!" "She obviously knows nothing about relationships, she'll screw up her marriage like she screwed up yours!" Nah. That may happen. Prolly won't. Because life isn't a 2 hour movie where all the plots get tied up with a neat bow.

I have worked very hard the last six or so months to mentally slap my hand from the hot flame anytime I get an urge to check on her. It doesn't help me. It doesn't matter what she's doing, it matters what *I* am doing. I find I get that driving need to go check on her when I am unhappy because I want HER to be unhappy. How stupid is that? What a huge waste. I need to instead focus on what I need to do to make myself happy. I need to count my own blessings instead of hers. I need to stop inviting her into my head and home. It's not easy, but I know it's something worth working on.

In a happily-ever-after story, there is a clear "villain" and that bad guy (or girl) gets what's coming to him or her by the end of the story. There is justice and that clear cut and obvious justice gives a sense of peace and closure to the story. Real life doesn't work that way. As much as I (we?) want to paint someone as the villain. For those of us who are trying to reconcile and rebuild, we definitely want to paint the other person as the bad guy(girl) because we have to protect our love for our spouses. Sitting around waiting for vindication from the heavens gets old, though.

In the end, we're all just people who are stumbling blindly through life. Rarely is someone all bad or all good. We're all just a mixed up bundle of mess. My husband's affair partner isn't doing stunningly well in her life because she's a good person. She's doing stunningly well because she chooses to work for it (sometimes by any means necessary, including not-so-good choices!)

So there ya have it. You can check on the OW, but I promise, even if she's gotten fat and ugly and is living under a bridge smoking crack, you won't feel wholly better about the situation. You're not likely to feel happy (or even very sad) for her. You're just going to be wasting time you could be spending taking care of YOU and chasing your own happiness. At least, that's what I have determined for my own life. Obviously, your mileage may vary. :)

I can't blame OW at all since she had no idea of my existence until she found my H's Facebook account. She's the one who blew him out of the water and made him tell me.

At best, I am grateful she was a decent person and I envy her position which allowed her to make a clean cut from his bullsh*t.. At worst, I want to thumb my nose at her because I "won." Then I look at my H and sometimes wonder what exactly I won. I have only him to blame for the A he chose to have.