Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
Hi everyone.
For those of us who may still struggle with imagery and very powerful triggers, was emdr ever considered as part of your therapy. If so, did you find this helpful to address some major stressors. I have posted before on how difficult triggers have been - and Cole.. Your blog on this subject is fantastic by the way.
The length of time it takes me to "recover" from a trigger is certainly shorter than what it used to be, however, there are some that still send me down the rabbit hole. Once in my slump, all of those other emotions emerge.. Anger, grief, anxiety, etc. Part of the anger is with myself for allowing those triggers to have such an impact. I do try to work through all of them as best as i can, but i am tired of this ride. And really think i should be a lot further along than I am. (It has been a little over a year since my husband came clean with the truth. - am i being to hard on myself???)
Side note: it is the triggers and the occasional slip up by H that are 2 very big obstacles in our recovery.
This is a never ending work in progress.
For those of us who may still struggle with imagery and very powerful triggers, was emdr ever considered as part of your therapy. If so, did you find this helpful to address some major stressors. I have posted before on how difficult triggers have been - and Cole.. Your blog on this subject is fantastic by the way.
The length of time it takes me to "recover" from a trigger is certainly shorter than what it used to be, however, there are some that still send me down the rabbit hole. Once in my slump, all of those other emotions emerge.. Anger, grief, anxiety, etc. Part of the anger is with myself for allowing those triggers to have such an impact. I do try to work through all of them as best as i can, but i am tired of this ride. And really think i should be a lot further along than I am. (It has been a little over a year since my husband came clean with the truth. - am i being to hard on myself???)
Side note: it is the triggers and the occasional slip up by H that are 2 very big obstacles in our recovery.
This is a never ending work in progress.
For me trickle truth was the worst and left me wondering what else is out there that was never revealed. Also every day life makes it difficult. I guess I would need some kind of extensive honeymoon period to recover better but that not surprisingly never happened
And I am so with you. Including anger at myself for still having triggers...
http://www.emdr.com/general-information/what-is-emdr.html
Sounds like it could be helpful for some people. The first stage it lists is to evaluate whether a patient is a good candidate for the treatment. So an introductory visit with someone familiar with it might be able to determine if it would be of benefit in your situation.
That said, it is perfectly normal for someone a year out to still be experiencing triggers. Triggers are built by associations between something and a negative event/emotion. Getting past them means disassociating them and associating them with something positive. Sort of like I did with the gym. That can happen naturally over time, but may take years of it gradually losing its effectiveness. Or you can do it purposefully.
For example, lets assume the AP drove a red Buick LaSaber (I think that was my W's OM's car). So every time you see one on the road, it triggers those negative feelings. One route to countering those feelings and associating positive memories in their place would be to rent a similar car to use on your next family vacation. Of course it would be good to talk about that with a therapist familiar with your situation first, but that is the general idea.
I'm glad my blog articles on that topic have been of help to you. Be patient with yourself. You don't get over this kind of trauma in a couple of years, though I think many on the road to real rebuilding notice a lot of improvement between years two and three. Note, I said improvement. Not total eradication. It gets better over time, but is always there, popping out when you least expect it. I experience mini-triggers every now and then. Nothing that makes me want to curl up in a ball, but revives the emotions or reminds me of what I've lost. They are usually pretty short-lived at this point, for me. Others may still have strong ones at my stage. We all are affected by then at different levels, and our situations are also different.
Hope you see some stronger progress in the coming year.
You are one step ahead of me in posting a link on emdr. Thank you.
And, as always, i appreciate your words of encouragement!
Musclegirl- wow... I am so happy the treatment was beneficial for you after just a few treatments.
I, too, heard that how one's brain is wired may determine the effectiveness. How wonderful that your H was willing to give it a try! Not so sure mine would even "entertain" the thought!
I wonder if this therapy would work for me.
Really hopeful.
Will let you know how it goes.
For me, it looks as though it will take another session before I begin the actual process. We had to do a bit of digging to find the starting point. (I.e. What is that one thing negative thought -about myself- that i believe to be true)
I wish you well!