Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
Its a new feeling that I have had the last few days and not sure what it means. I feel that I have uncovered some of my problems in the marriage and we have had numerous and I mean numerous talks about his infidelity. I know he is remorseful and see the pain in his eyes but is that enough. I feel that we are truely connecting now and openly talking and sharing. I am afraid that I will always have the dreams and images but I feel he love me. I feel that my marriage will make it but am also prepared to walk away if it doesnt. I have faced my demons and hope he has too. I want to be on the same page as him.
I just want to know is it too soon that I feel this way. We are only 3 month from dday. I feel he loves me and knows to the extent that he hurt me but is that enough. I feel that yes we are both at fault in our marriage but he chose the wrong way to handle it. I feel that he truely want to be there but how do I know its enough. I am so unsure but know we love each other. I guess my rambling is confusing.
I have learned one thing is that I never thought I would be strong enough to handle this and he has told me that by me staying and trying convinced him of the woman I am and the woman that he wants to be with. I have given him a complete out and he says he doesnt want it. So I guess the question I am asking is it too soon for me to feel content and happiness?
I just want to know is it too soon that I feel this way. We are only 3 month from dday. I feel he loves me and knows to the extent that he hurt me but is that enough. I feel that yes we are both at fault in our marriage but he chose the wrong way to handle it. I feel that he truely want to be there but how do I know its enough. I am so unsure but know we love each other. I guess my rambling is confusing.
I have learned one thing is that I never thought I would be strong enough to handle this and he has told me that by me staying and trying convinced him of the woman I am and the woman that he wants to be with. I have given him a complete out and he says he doesnt want it. So I guess the question I am asking is it too soon for me to feel content and happiness?
It's a lot like my arm. I have a pinched nerve which sends a constant level of pain down my right arm. It also produces some slight numbness on my fingertips. It really worried me when I first started feeling it. I was afraid it was that paralysis disease. As a pastor, I did a funeral for a man in my church who had died of that. So naturally that was on my mind. But the doctor said it was just a pinched nerve. I either live with the pain or get a 50K+ operation. He said it may never get any worse, but if it does, and the pain becomes too unbearable, then I can consider the operation.
That was about seven or eight years ago. If I think about the pain, I can feel it. But most of the time I don't even notice it. I think that's what happens here. Over time, we simply get used to the pain. It is there. We can gin it back up like it was yesterday if we want, or we can get to the point where we don't think about it so often and while there, we simply don't notice it much.
But that takes years to happen. Don't expect it to go away even in one year, much less, three months. It's still very fresh for you right now.
I hope you stay happy and continue down that path, know there will be some bumps along the way and that is okay. Good luck!
My best advice is to enjoy the good days when you have them but don't get too surprised or discouraged by the bad ones. They are completely normal. Also important to remember is that everyone's healing rate is different and based on circumstance. Certainly one of the most important factors is how the CS helps (or in some cases doesn't help) the BS. Even in the best circumstances the roller coaster ride continues but if the CS isn't helpful then the ride is scarier. The ultimate message is that there is no specific time table. I find that the pressure I put on myself for things to be better makes the situation worse. It will get better when it gets better and not a moment sooner.
I hope it stays better for you but like sandyman said, don't worry about the bumps. Sending supoort!
I am 14 mo. past dday and the last 2 mo I can honestly say I am getting past and moving forward.
At 7-8mo reality hit me hard, then the healing began. LOts of counsling, retrouvaille and support from my CS.
I am starting to feel like me again. I can still get sad and angry but the trust and love is building because we have worked hard for it. There was many times I was ready to quit because of the pain.
Emotions are like ocean waves , they come in, get higher and stronger then go back out to calm. YOu just have to ride them.
Enjoy the good days, and don't fight the bad. It will take time, love and patience from your H.
That is pretty much the way that I have described my grief over loosing my daughter. It takes a long, long time. When we first went to MC she told me that the pain that I was experiencing was worse than when a woman becomes a widow. I had forgotten that. It is very much the same as grief. I know how long it has taken me with the loss of my daughter, and the struggles I have had in the past year and a half with first loosing my dad, and then just recently loosing my mom. It all just sucks.
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I have done pretty good in the last few months, but as I told our C I wonder if I've done too well considering that my mother just died in Dec. I think I have a lot of pent up emotions in there. I find that I learn very quickly to find some way, some how to live with what ever happens and keep pressing on. That's the only way I know to live anymore. If I don't then I'm not sure what I'd be like or where I'd be.