REPAIRING YOUR MARRIAGE
After His Affair

By: Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.D.,Ed.D.,
& Armand DiMele, C.S.W.,B.C.D.

I think I've read them all too :-) but this one by far has helped me the most. I carry it around with me all the time. Read it, it can't hurt. LOL

Unfaithful - can't remember the author because I gave it to my husband
The Shack - William P Young
The Healing Choice - Brenda Stoeker & Susan Allen
Desperate Marriages - Gary Chapman
Intimacy After Infidelity - Steven Solomon
Shattered Vows - Hope and Healing fro Women who have been Sexually Betrayed - Debra Laaser
Get Out of That Pit - Beth Moore


I read some of yours on the above list also. What helps me the most is the Bible.

Reading most of those books helped me to know that what I was feeling was normal. I just wish my husband would read them also. I gave him quite a few (I can't remember most of the titles and authors) but they all seem about the same. If he would read them he would know more. Arming yourself with knowledge is power. He is an idiot and knows nothing about anything especially feelings and even moreso of an idiot because he doesn't care to LEARN anything. So he thinks I am overreacting to EVERYTHING. He minimized everything and not one of my feelings has ever been validated by him the entire time we were married. He wants happy thoughts...well he should have been born Peter Pan!

I can't bring myself to read a book about infidelity, self-help or not. I do have a problem with running away from things, but I think it would incite so much anger. Is this bad?

'Not Just Friends' by Glass, 'His Needs, Her Needs' by Harley,'Love Must Be Tough' by Dobson and for those with a spouse with alcohol or addiction problems...an excellent book 'Marriage on the Rocks' by Woititz...by the way...most alcoholics or addicts eventually have affairs....if their wife won't drink with them they find someone who will......

Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass

Srsnde, You should pick up Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. It is not for the infidelity aspect only....it's for YOU. It saved my life.

hugs

OK I have Read, and Read Too.......
For me, i found it most helpful in moving forward to read very positive books with real tools of helping with myself and my relationship. I had a hard time with all the "affair" books, even though I read them, too. I felt more angery, and very sad. Maybe not ready to hear all that.
I liked the self help and possitive thinking books....
The books that helped us most with our relationship repair, and REALLY wish i had read it 20 years ago, when we met, was Light His Fire, for me and Light Her Fire, for him. We both read and did Dr. Ellen's programs. You can find them on www.LightYourFire.com
Best Wishes!

After The Affair, by Janis Springs
For myself, Why People Don't Heal and How They Can by Caroline Myss
Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie (great quick read 4 ea new day)

I also read:

Surviving Infidelity (can't remember author)
Not Just Friends (Shirley Glass)
After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You (Janis Abrams Springs)

For those of you who don't feel like you should have to forgive to move on the last one, How Can I Forgive You, was really helpful for me. It talks about accepting vs. forgiving. I have forgiven my H because he took responsibility for what he did and asked for my forgiveness. I have not forgiven the OW because she has done neither of those things. I do, however, accept what she did for my own sake and healing.

This may sound like an odd one but I've been reading "The power of NOW". It teaches one how to stay present in the moment and how not to dwell on the past or future. It gets a little spiritual, the closest I can relate it to is a "Zen" like state where staying intently present turns into a life changing experience. It gets rid of the voice in your head and the emotional turmoil that comes with the ups and downs of life. It's an interesting read or in my case audio book from itunes. It has helped tremendously.

My H and I are also reading the Power of NOW, but I have some real problems with it. I just don't think you can live always focusing on the moment. Its just not practical.

Thanx emerald eyes :). I'll check it out...