over two years here and my wife cheated. where she slipped was having men as friends who were also clients. she needed their attention. i finally put my foot down not long ago as i was ready to move on and she cut off contact. i have noticed a big difference in her since then and for the first time feel like we are truly rebuilding now. so if you affair was for attention be very careful to not let this kind of thing happen to you because if your H is like me any trust that you have built up will be shattered and you will have to start all over in rebuilding that trust that was developed. individual counseling for both of us as well as marriage counseling has been the key for us getting to where we are now. I am not saying we have made it but that is where we are. she also fessed up to other men who hit on her and just hearing her come clean was a big deal for me.

I just read your homepage and you really need to let him know why you had the affair. It was for some reason. In my wifes case i was not taking care of her emotional needs and when she was hit on she was open to his advancements. you need to let him know if it was anything you were not getting from him or if you were just needing attention and excitement. the fact that you did it twice with the same man would give him good cause to keep wondering if it will happen again since you did not stop after getting caught the first time. it may take him a long time to get out of the back of his mind that any little thing could cause you to stray back to him or to another. hopefully this has come up in your counseling. good luck.

I am not two years post dday but I still wanted to reply.

I read your profile and I am still trying to understand your story and what has transpired since dday.

As the BS in my situation - my perspective is, if I thought we were on the path to reconciliation and my spouse was still cheating on me, the damage would be so irreparable that I don't know if my marriage could survive it. What would be going through my head is that you put me through hell, saw my pain and still continued your behavior? It would take extra effort to make me ever trust that person again.

You have a huge task to build back that trust because to be cheated on not just once but twice. But that said, I have seen people on DS manage to deal with multiple betrayals and still survive with their marriage in tact.

If I was in his shoes I would be constantly worried that one small temptation would make you slide back again. If I was in his shoes, I would still be dealing with the emotions of a double betrayal....Heck, one betrayal almost killed me and turned me into an emotional wreck. I can not imagine what two would do. You are going to have to prove that you have identified and uncovered what it is that caused you to cheat on him twice. You are going to have to daily climb that mountain (with patience) trying to reassure him that you love him, are bing faithful, and committed to the marriage.

I always hope for a marriage to survive. I hope you can work through things.