Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I cheated on my husband. He found out a month ago while the actual affair took place almost a year ago. We have a 3 month old baby. Yes, I know the baby is my husbands without a doubt. At first my husband was totally pissed and said he was leaving. I understood that. Well, we live in a small town and there aren't any places to rent right now so he stayed in the house. We still carry on a normal and active sex life and I do the work around the house same as I always did. Things have changed but only slightly. I know that in this situation I was in the wrong, I take the blame and I know that I made a mistake. My problem is that it's killing me for this to go on like normal because while things are going smoothly, all the sudden we hit a rock and everything goes south for a while until the charade picks back up again. He says he wants to leave and I feel like I understand that but at the same time he's still treating me like his personal slave, like he's always done. So while I know it's my fault part of me is thinking alright, just walk away already. If you don't want me to be your wife then stop making me treat you like my husband. If he indeed wants to cut ties with me, then for God's sake, just do it. We start counseling in a couple days and I can only hope that will help things. I just needed a bit of support in the meantime- there aren't many places a cheater can get support...
1st I would recommend you getting the book "The Love Dare" and complete the 40 day challange with your H if possible but it is something you should do either way. It has helped my H and I alot. 2nd give the counseling a chance and make sure you both like and feel comfortable with the counselor you choose. 3rd be there and be supportive of your H and his moods, believe me it is very important that you are there for him, support him, reassure him that you love and choose him and only him. You also must be truely committed to your marriage. Something that has worked for me is when my H is getting depressed or is having a bad day I tell him these 6 things:
An expression of your love.
An acknowledgment of your spouseâs pain.
An admission that you caused their pain.
An expression of your sense of shame.
A promise that it will never happen again.
Those words have helped us through and will continue to help.
Something else you can do is trust in God and turn your marriage over to him. God has truely done some good in my marriage.
In closeing for now please know you are not alone. I am here for you, God bless
Oh has wonderful advice... (as usual)
An expression of your love.
An acknowledgment of your spouse�s pain.
An admission that you caused their pain.
An expression of your sense of shame.
A promise that it will never happen again
I've heard many couple talk about the woes of finding a good counselor. My advice, don't give up. The first one is not always the right choice... It may take two, or three, or maybe even four... if you have any reservations or feel any bad vibes, just be aware, it's not a sign that your marriage is unrepairable... It happens...
How long has it been since Dday?
Also, you may want to try some research of your own... I have a great book, that was recommended to me, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. This has been a wonderful resourse for me.... and my H... I'm nearly 2 years past Dday and I still pull it out... Monday, as a matter of fact, I was having a struggle day, so I pulled it out, and read away...
Sometimes we forget things and we must remind ourselves... For example, I have to constantly remind myself to listen and stop talking...
Take care...
(((hugs)))
Lovemarriage is also correct about the therapist, my H and I are lucky we found the perfect therapist on the first try, but you and your H have to feel comfortable with him or her.
Good luck and god bless your marriage.