Hello all. I joined this forum under the name if destinedtobe in June 2010. Never thought I'd get through those darkest days, much less still be married to the man that betrayed me. With a lot of hard work that included counseling with both an IC & MC as well as pure hatred that turned to acceptance of this horrible road that was traveled. It does get better. However, in order to rebuild, it takes two to do it. And while the BS is hurting, it's up to the CS to put in the effort more so in the beginning. For me anyway. Had my H not put in the effort to save our marriage, we would have been divorced by now. I put him through hell in order to know that not only did I have to feel he was worthy, but he had to make me feel like I was his number one. Hard to imagine that he could do that since after all he had the A.

If your new to this forum - welcome to a group that no one wants to belong to, however, know that you will get some great advice & support here.

5 years later and we both are in a much better place now. The A comes up on occasion - although it doesn't sting as much as it did. I still tell him he's an asshole for risking our marriage over it and he agrees. Sometimes he rolls his eyes and says "Do we really have to talk about this?" He knows the answer. Invariable it's due to something that either we saw something that triggered it or he did something at work that compromised his boundaries (where he had his A). He didn't think so & when he insisted that it didn't I told him we needed to head back to MC for clarification. LOL - like most men he participated, but the mere mention of it made him rethink what they'd say. Sometimes just that realization was enough. Other times we'd go in & talk. I don't use it as a punishment -I use it to strengthen our marriage. He knows this now. We haven't been to our MC for a whole year now & that means progress.

Just wanted to check in with you all - if you have any questions you'd like to ask, feel free to do so. DS was & still is a life saver for me.