No nothing can stay the same after your life has been altered so radically.... You can never go back... you can't even have ONE thing, the same as before.... EVERYTHING has to be new, like starting on a new page. It alters your whole existence, and you completely change as a human being... good or bad, you change forever... I told my CS, (yep I know this analogy is whacked).... It is like being a virgin and losing it.... You can NEVER EVER EVER go back to being a virgin again, even if you didn't tear the whole physical flesh the first time... after your first sexual experience you will NEVER be a virgin again... and yes apparently the hymen can be surgically repaired, in this day and age..(yeah right, who are you trying to fool?)... You are still NEVER again a virgin. So infidelity is like breaking that virginity...

Oh Cole50; It is not yet the 3rd anniversary of DDay - but it is the 3rd anniversary of when 'IT" was going on. I relate to so much of what you wrote.
{{ There will always be a scar. There will always be that memoryof utter disbelief - feeling my
stability crumble under my feet The deception she'd hid from me for seven months (4 months for me)
that I never thought she'd be capable of. The innocent trust that could never be regained.
Watching her unflinchingly face what she'd done, own up to it, and refuse to shift the blame onto me
or anyone else. Experiencing her consistent attention, affection, truthfulness, honesty and
commitment to me. Making me the most important person in her life after God.}}
Of course, in my case the 'she' is 'he'.)
I only recently realized that I AM HEALING. Sometimes I resent the loss of our original 'magic'. But, I am getting more and more comfortable in our 'new magic." I am 63 and my H will soon be 65. We will have our 42nd anniversary this August. We try to be spontaneous, and romantic.
I AM SEEING LIGHT, after being under a black cloud for so very long. Thank you for putting MY feelings down in words. I think we both deserve Hugs and Congrats on getting through to 'the other side."
jillarie51

I haven't been on DS in months. I decided to log on tonight for some reason. Its been over 6 years since DDay and I can count the times on one hand that I haven't thought about them on a daily basis. That is how much his lies and cheating changed my life. I will never be the same. I will never look at him the same. Some times I wonder how it feels to truly be 'in love'...to look at my mate and feel safe again. As much as I try, I can't fool myself or really trust him again.
At least I don't cry any more. I try to push it out of my mind and make the best of it.

To needshelp62: I am pretty much in the same boat. The subject is always somewhere in my head. Keeping busy does help keep it to the side or -out of the way. But, then, just when I feel like I'm getting better ANOTHER TRIGGER HAPPENS!
Read my post : "Light at the end....?"
All we all can do "KEEP ON TRYING"
I also have MS and early after my diagnosis I adopted a philosophy: to "DO WHAT I CAN WHILE I CAN".
That's what we are doing - together.

What you wrote Cole (Rick? Which do you prefer now?) I can relate to. Most of it actually. The only part that seems different is that i still question if I want to stay or leave. I just wrote a rambling post about it. Glad you two are doing so well.

Since most have known me as Cole and it seems too much trouble to change my user name, I've stuck with Cole on DS. When we announced who we really were upon the publication of our book last May, people said something like, "You'll always be Cole and Gabi to us." But you can certainly call me Rick if you want to. That is my name, after all. :)

Obviously all our journeys are different, even if there are similarities. Some go better than others. But it is what it is, and we're left to deal with it. Hopefully each of us can make the best out of our situations.