Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
It's 5 months from Dday. And every day a war wages within me, to stay and rebuild or to leave and start anew. My CS and I haven't been married long, It was 10 months into our marriage and 3 months after our first child together was born CS had an affair. They were the most darkest, most soul distroying months I'd ever had to endure on top of being a new mother. I wish I could unlive those times but as much as I don't want to admit it, it definitely scarred me.
I'm still bitterly angry and hurt because with hindsight now, I wish I'd thrown CS out a lot sooner. Wish I didn't beg and grovel at his feet, wish I didn't put myself through the wringer the way I did. All because I wanted CS to just be honest with me, which he refused to at the time. I resorted to contacting OW and was able to get everything out of her. Then meeting with all of us three. He wanted to have the final say that evening and say he needed to be alone, and did not want to be in a relationship with me or OW. But apparently they were no longer seeing each other. That was pretty much my final straw with CS. I no longer wanted anything to do with him. It took me three days after to finally be at peace with myself on that matter to pack all his things once and for all and kick him out.
I feel so emotionaly exhausted. I told OW she can have him. Said I no longer wanted that. She said no she didn't want to be with him. I said I have my child, that's all I want, I'll see him in court. From what CS later told me, OW did try to rekindle things with him, but he refused when he came to terms that I didn't want anything to do with him and that I wanted a divorce. He admitted that he did take me for granted and thought I'd always be there for him. He then went on to explain OW was there to fill an emotional need he needed at the time.
I asked him when we were laying everything out on the table was it all worth it? He admitted no it wasnt. I let him know I'm not the women he met, or the women he married. I let him know a piece of me is dead and that part is numb. Thing's won't be the same nor should they be, they can't. I used to be passive, now at the drop of a hat I'll curse him out like a sailor. I know I still need a lot more PC. And I know we still need MC. which will happen.
I just feel like my CS pooped all over our marriage and turned it into something worthless. It's horrible to say and feel that way but I do. I wish I didn't either. Just so much hurt and anger from me that I'm still working through. Sorry for my rant.
I know I'm still working through things with CS. Just today I'm having a really bad day.
I'm still bitterly angry and hurt because with hindsight now, I wish I'd thrown CS out a lot sooner. Wish I didn't beg and grovel at his feet, wish I didn't put myself through the wringer the way I did. All because I wanted CS to just be honest with me, which he refused to at the time. I resorted to contacting OW and was able to get everything out of her. Then meeting with all of us three. He wanted to have the final say that evening and say he needed to be alone, and did not want to be in a relationship with me or OW. But apparently they were no longer seeing each other. That was pretty much my final straw with CS. I no longer wanted anything to do with him. It took me three days after to finally be at peace with myself on that matter to pack all his things once and for all and kick him out.
I feel so emotionaly exhausted. I told OW she can have him. Said I no longer wanted that. She said no she didn't want to be with him. I said I have my child, that's all I want, I'll see him in court. From what CS later told me, OW did try to rekindle things with him, but he refused when he came to terms that I didn't want anything to do with him and that I wanted a divorce. He admitted that he did take me for granted and thought I'd always be there for him. He then went on to explain OW was there to fill an emotional need he needed at the time.
I asked him when we were laying everything out on the table was it all worth it? He admitted no it wasnt. I let him know I'm not the women he met, or the women he married. I let him know a piece of me is dead and that part is numb. Thing's won't be the same nor should they be, they can't. I used to be passive, now at the drop of a hat I'll curse him out like a sailor. I know I still need a lot more PC. And I know we still need MC. which will happen.
I just feel like my CS pooped all over our marriage and turned it into something worthless. It's horrible to say and feel that way but I do. I wish I didn't either. Just so much hurt and anger from me that I'm still working through. Sorry for my rant.
I know I'm still working through things with CS. Just today I'm having a really bad day.
There is no magic answer. Time does heal things, but you right, there will be scars. Things will never be the same. YOU will never be the same. The good news is that you get to steer yourself to become who you want to be from here on out.
Be well.
Thank you both for reading my rant, the support and hugs, I appreciate them. :)
@ Allora, you are so right, I do get to steer myself to become who I want to be from here on in. At least I know what I do want and don't want with conviction.
Rebuilding can be a wonderful springboard for renegotiating parts of the relationship that aren't working. Be gentle with yourself and the process. It's a sloooow change but so worth it when it works.