Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I posted this in my journal but wanted to throw it out there and see what everyone else thinks:
I have often thought post A that what I would like most is if my H and I could date again, go through that I want to make an impression time all the way to seeing who we are with no walls to the point of where we are now. I'd like to get engaged and married again all to the man my H is now. I feel like he's a completely different person with still some past traits in there but overall the person I married isn't really there anymore. He is the man, the husband and father I always thought he would be and he's not perfect but it's nice to know that my choice in a husband wasn't the wrong choice that I don't have a poor judge of character. Something that I questioned at times before Dday. There were good times in there, the majority of times but when the bad times creeped in, I questioned. I didn't want to be married to that person but the person he is now is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even with the rollercoaster ride he's still worth it, I need to remember it when I'm on the ride down.
Do you ever feel the same way and if so how do you make a fresh start?
I have often thought post A that what I would like most is if my H and I could date again, go through that I want to make an impression time all the way to seeing who we are with no walls to the point of where we are now. I'd like to get engaged and married again all to the man my H is now. I feel like he's a completely different person with still some past traits in there but overall the person I married isn't really there anymore. He is the man, the husband and father I always thought he would be and he's not perfect but it's nice to know that my choice in a husband wasn't the wrong choice that I don't have a poor judge of character. Something that I questioned at times before Dday. There were good times in there, the majority of times but when the bad times creeped in, I questioned. I didn't want to be married to that person but the person he is now is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even with the rollercoaster ride he's still worth it, I need to remember it when I'm on the ride down.
Do you ever feel the same way and if so how do you make a fresh start?
Then I think....I have 23 years invested with this man, if I do that do I totally discount all the "good" things that happened during our marriage?
I had thought about renewing our vows but for me, I just don't think that will solve the dilemma in my head and my heart because the old anniversary will still bring pain and for me the new date won't take into account all the past 23 years. It is complex for me. Maybe by renewing my vows on my real anniversary date would be the thing for me.
I totally get your desire for a fresh start. I wish I knew the answer for you!
I too am making the commitment to be with the man he is today and trying to leave the man he had become for so many years, in the past as a memory.
I too am making the commitment to be with the man he is today and trying to leave the man he had become for so many years, in the past as a memory.
Going back to our dating time, we spent every night together. Like had a date every evening after school and work. We spent every possible moment together. Went on trips together. Did everything we could, together. We kissed a lot, and hugged a lot. We looked longingly into each others eyes. We expressed our love to each other in many different ways.
We've been doing that since dday, and I have to say, these past few months have been like dating all over again. We're spending a lot of time together, kissing and hugging a lot, and while we didn't have full sex back then, having sex frequently. We do look longingly into each others eyes, and express our love for each other. It's like we're dating all over again.
I guess the key, in my mind, is the spending time together. Where you spend your time is indicative of what you place importance on. Spending time with each other, a lot of good time, fosters all the romantic qualities of doing things together, and being together that allows all the other moments of love to shine through. If you don't spend enough time together, that doesn't happen.
Maybe finding ways to do things together and spend time together, whatever you do, is the key.
While we were rebuilding
And dating, he restarted his pa w his dlutty secretary.
Yup- it was all a facade.
Trying one last time.
Not sure I'll ever feel whole again