Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
I posted this in my journal but wanted to share with everyone. It's long but I think interesting.
Thought for the week from our Priest that I wanted to share with you guys:
What is the opposite of trust? Some may say it is suspicion. Others may reply that the opposite is manipulation while still others may believe that it is simply mistrust and the subsequent avoidance of those who are deemed to be untrustworthy.
Indeed they may seem to be some of the obvious choices. But perhaps there is a more comprehensive way of looking at the meaning of trust. Maybe we can understand that the complete opposite of trust is "security". If trust is the willingness to place at least a portion of my life in the hands of someone else, then its opposite must be the desire to take care of everything by myself or the unwillingness to place anythng of mine in the hands of someone else.
The opposite of trust would therefore be the desire for complete and utter self-sufficiency. It would be the desire to need non one. It would be the attitude that no matter what situation I may find myself in, I can take care of it all by myself.
Perhaps St. Paul had this definition of "security" in mind when he wrote the section of his letter to the Thessalonians that we hear today. St. Paul writes, "You yourselves know that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. When people are saying peace and security, then sudden disaster comes upon them."
It is when we believe that we are in perfect control that we are closest to disaster. When we are telling ourselves that "I have it all under control" is also when we are most lkely feelng the least need for God. God gets reduced to a luxury that is definitely nice, but not all that necessary.
There is nothng wrong in having plans, making preparations, settng goals, or feeling a sense of accomplishment when we achieve a goal. But as people of faith we do need to exercise caution when we feel that the achievement of certain worldly goals, whether they are financal achievements, educational achievements, or anything else, will actually allow us to be "set for life". Goals are fantastic to make, they allow us to be motivated, to keep us on track and give us direction. But putting complete trust in those goals to bring us peace and security can lead to disaster.
As Paul teaches the Thessalonians, the only real and lasting security comes from trusting God.
Well, I can say learning about the A has brought me closer to my faith, what that exactly is I'm not sure but I know I would not be where I am today without it. I can't really decipher things from the Bible and put them into everyday life but I can do that when others whether it's a priest, pastor, religious leader, or even a friend tells me something. Our priest seems to hit upon things every week that applies to what my husband and I are going through. We think it's kind of freaky and I believe it's God working in my life. That is where my faith comes in. This weeks message about trust is something we discuss ALOT. I often worry and more so now that if I get to comfortable or trust too much that the rug will be pulled out from under me. I am so afraid of that happening that I can't enjoy living and that is a shame. One of my "sense of accomplishments" was that I had the perfect marriage. We were above it all -- nothing could touch us and as our Priest said putting trust in those goals ... can lead to disaster. I'd say it was a moment of disaster, a very loooooooooong moment. That moment is still there when I'm not in a good place.
So I'm not sure if this is what our Priest is saying but I think it's "Put your trust in God" and maybe that's what I need to do is surrender my doubts and go with it trusting in God's path for me. If that rug gets pulled out then maybe it's for a reason and the good will come through. God has shown me that in the A, aside from the heartache, insecurity, feeling like crap, anger, etc. (lol) there is good that came out of the A. I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, my marriage is better (not perfect), it's brought us closer to our family, and my husband is humble and more grounded and open to IC to help him with his issues, and I am getting the help I need to stay in that good place.
I hope this has given you some hope for the future. I'd love to hear any insight on the Priests message.
Thought for the week from our Priest that I wanted to share with you guys:
What is the opposite of trust? Some may say it is suspicion. Others may reply that the opposite is manipulation while still others may believe that it is simply mistrust and the subsequent avoidance of those who are deemed to be untrustworthy.
Indeed they may seem to be some of the obvious choices. But perhaps there is a more comprehensive way of looking at the meaning of trust. Maybe we can understand that the complete opposite of trust is "security". If trust is the willingness to place at least a portion of my life in the hands of someone else, then its opposite must be the desire to take care of everything by myself or the unwillingness to place anythng of mine in the hands of someone else.
The opposite of trust would therefore be the desire for complete and utter self-sufficiency. It would be the desire to need non one. It would be the attitude that no matter what situation I may find myself in, I can take care of it all by myself.
Perhaps St. Paul had this definition of "security" in mind when he wrote the section of his letter to the Thessalonians that we hear today. St. Paul writes, "You yourselves know that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. When people are saying peace and security, then sudden disaster comes upon them."
It is when we believe that we are in perfect control that we are closest to disaster. When we are telling ourselves that "I have it all under control" is also when we are most lkely feelng the least need for God. God gets reduced to a luxury that is definitely nice, but not all that necessary.
There is nothng wrong in having plans, making preparations, settng goals, or feeling a sense of accomplishment when we achieve a goal. But as people of faith we do need to exercise caution when we feel that the achievement of certain worldly goals, whether they are financal achievements, educational achievements, or anything else, will actually allow us to be "set for life". Goals are fantastic to make, they allow us to be motivated, to keep us on track and give us direction. But putting complete trust in those goals to bring us peace and security can lead to disaster.
As Paul teaches the Thessalonians, the only real and lasting security comes from trusting God.
Well, I can say learning about the A has brought me closer to my faith, what that exactly is I'm not sure but I know I would not be where I am today without it. I can't really decipher things from the Bible and put them into everyday life but I can do that when others whether it's a priest, pastor, religious leader, or even a friend tells me something. Our priest seems to hit upon things every week that applies to what my husband and I are going through. We think it's kind of freaky and I believe it's God working in my life. That is where my faith comes in. This weeks message about trust is something we discuss ALOT. I often worry and more so now that if I get to comfortable or trust too much that the rug will be pulled out from under me. I am so afraid of that happening that I can't enjoy living and that is a shame. One of my "sense of accomplishments" was that I had the perfect marriage. We were above it all -- nothing could touch us and as our Priest said putting trust in those goals ... can lead to disaster. I'd say it was a moment of disaster, a very loooooooooong moment. That moment is still there when I'm not in a good place.
So I'm not sure if this is what our Priest is saying but I think it's "Put your trust in God" and maybe that's what I need to do is surrender my doubts and go with it trusting in God's path for me. If that rug gets pulled out then maybe it's for a reason and the good will come through. God has shown me that in the A, aside from the heartache, insecurity, feeling like crap, anger, etc. (lol) there is good that came out of the A. I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, my marriage is better (not perfect), it's brought us closer to our family, and my husband is humble and more grounded and open to IC to help him with his issues, and I am getting the help I need to stay in that good place.
I hope this has given you some hope for the future. I'd love to hear any insight on the Priests message.
cecbpc
oops double post
Cole50
Good thoughts. Not much to add. :)
deleted_user
I'm so glad you are working on your marriage, how far along? Details for the process for you so far? Just curious because my husband and I are 4 months in and trying to rebuild as well but have many setbacks/triggers that delay our process, which is understandable. I'm hearing that the first year is a living hell and after that, people are able to get through it a bit better and can see the light - others take years and years, and finally some never get through it and go the other route. I wish you the best of luck!!!
shtmyhbdid
Ahh, this is great stuff. I feel like I got a mini lesson at church, thanks!
cecbpc
We're 2 years out. We are still havng setbacks and triggers and have to say 2 weeks ago was my worse in a long time. I don't remember feeling as bad since the day I first found out. I see the light at the end of the tunnel but only when we are both working at it and not being distracted by outside influences. I'm not sure how realistic that is but I realize it so maybe that's a start. DS along with MC has really helped me and I just started IC again after a year break. My H also goes to IC and I can definitely see a difference in him afterwards. It's like we both have more clarity and focus on what our goal is and we don't sweat or at least try to understand the small stuff. Hang in there, it is worth it.
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