I think we all sort of suffer a post traumatic stress reaction after dday. I know for sure that I have. I was downright traumatized by the way I found out. For months after dday, I was afraid to open my email for fear that b_tch would send me more horrible messages. I couldn't sleep because I was plagued with visions of them together or I couldn't stop my mind from analyzing details. Triggers plagued me left and right. It was horrible and unbearable for a while.

Now that I am a year and a half passed dday, I realize how far I have come. Although I still have pain, the pain has settled from intense and debilitating to dull yet still constant. I am able to have more power over triggers too. Things that I enjoyed had become a trigger, like a TV show that I enjoy (she named the same show as one of her favorites on her Mysapace account that she had during the A). I stopped watching it for a while, then I decided that I wasn't going to let her take it away from me. Now I enjoy watching it again and she can go scratch!

The point is that flashbacks to dday are normal. I had them for a while. I also flashed back to times that made me suspect the A and I spent hours and hours beating myself up about how I could have stopped it had I just been more assertive. The coulda, shoulda, wouldas kept me up night after night. This crap is hard dammit! You just keep venting away and we're all here to support you! HUGS!!!!!

I am new here but I had to post this. I am 4 months since DDay and I finally was able to be intimate with my husband and not have visions of him with her... It was such a relief! I have flashbacks of the night he told me.. I create moments that they had together and see him smiling and happy and I want to scream!! I have to decide that I will not let this control my life, not give her that much pull in my life.
I think it's normal to replay it and wish we had done X Y and Z differently.. but we didn't!

Znz said it perfectly! That would be my response to a "T".

Alison, that's why we get along so well :).

I am almost 6 months past dday and still have flashbacks and triggers, but they are lessening and I have learned to cut them off to a point. Yes initially it was a nightmare. I honestly have never had anything affect me so deeply. Not even the death of my mom,and we were very close. I couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, lost 20lbs in the first 5 weeks. Yes, it definately was a tramatic event and I do believe I suffered PTSD. Thankfully my life is returning to a place of much closer to normal. But not thru alot of hard work!

Thanks fo sharing your experience!! That's why I love DS.......finding people that undertand what we all are going through!!

I found that even as the flashbacks lessened I was still troubled with my IMAGINATION. All those little situations I made in my mind of what may have happened, all those nasty movies that still like to play in my mind if I let them. Now a days it is easier to stop the movies and rewind and edit them. It gets easier, but we are never quite the same. In some ways we actually come out stronger, while in others we have protective armour around our hearts that I don't know if it will ever change. Both my H and I have changed so much. We are trying to get to know each other and be comfortable together again. When we get too close I still put the shield up around my heart. It does get better but I have found that after 2plus years we are finally getting closer to where we once were.