I wish I could give you a magic answer. I forbade my h to but me any jewelry because the last 2 years he was getting a little extravagant which I know was driven by guilt. I told him I really didn't want anything from him but he did buy me small things. Just keep it low key and don't expect it to go smoothly. We kept most of our traditions because they meant so much to my daughter. Starting new traditions is not a bad idea. We did celebrate New Years with new friends at a party. We had not gone to a new years Eve Party since the kids were born.

I love the idea of new traditions! I'd also perhaps try to reflect on some other holidays that are full of happy memories and revisit them.

Last year on black friday I finally got my proof and asked him to leave. He has not come home but we see and talk daily (business, kids...).

My MIL has not celebrated the holidays in many years. This years she is hosting Thanksgiving for reasons too confusing to even put into words. We have always been close and if she were to take sides she would pick mine over he sons in an instant (so much that she told me if I should decide to divorce she offered to move in with me to share expense and help with our kids)

Well she has asked me to come this year to sort of run interference despite all that has happened so I could not say no. She is always there for me and never asks for anything in return. To make it worse it is at the same time as my familys diner so for the first time in my entire life I will not be with my family on a holiday and I need them more than ever this year. My sister has to work and she is hosting so the time could not be changed.

My heart is broken and I just want to run and hide. My H's depression is still very bad and I really do not have anything to be thankful for (except my children of course!!) I have survived 1 yr since dday (does that count).

I had pretty much decided to skip thanksgiving this year. It always stresses me out, all the cooking and cleaning and preparing and then the cleaning again. I had asked my mom if she wanted to do it this year but then it looked like she just wanted to skip it too(mom grandmother, mom's mom, just passed away almost 2 months ago) so I decided to host again. I'm already getting stressed out and worried that I won't get everything done that needs to be done but it's also helping to give me something else to focus on. This year my husband is being a lot more supportive than last year so that is helping a lot too. He has even offered to help with some of the cooking so hopefully everything goes well.

I haven't decided what to do about Christmas yet. Our kids are 4 and 7 so we have to make it special for them. I've always enjoyed Christmas and have good memories of it, with the exception of last year. I think I can handle doing the normal stuff as long as my husband gets involved like he normally does.

This year is really going to be hard for me I think. I already have a horrible strained relationship with my H's father and when he was talking to my H about the A, his advice was "next time don't get caught"!!!! Seriously, that is your advice? My H was really upset by this because I think he was looking to his dad for some support or advice and this is what he got. This week his dad sent my H pics of the half naked waitresses at a restaurant he was at. My H showed me the messages and asked his dad to stop sending them. His dad asked if I went through his phone and told him that I had no right to do that.

He is sexist and a child. He has made inappropriate comments toward me and makes comments about what is "woman's work" in front of my nephew and my son. Now my little man is just getting ready to turn two and has no clue what is being said but one day he will. Every personality trait that allowed my H to do this (selfishness, poor boundaries, a sense of entitlement) are present in this man. My tolerance is at an all time low for him.

So next week we are having my son's 2 year party and he will be there but so will my Dad who is remarkable at putting this man in his place. My father has this soft-spoken John Wayne thing about him. But over Christmas they are visiting again and my dad won't be there. My H had a horrible relationship with his father growing up and now walks on eggshells around him to keep from damaging what they now have. I just wish my H would step up for me once in a while. I don't need him too, I stand up for myself just fine, even against my own father when push comes to shove. But for H to put me first for once would be awesome.

I have such mixed feelings about the holidays this year. Last year I was on autopilot trying to deal with the hurt and shock from the A and taking care of my mother who has sinced passed away and my dad who is now in a Alzheimers care facility. Anyway I never got to eat dinner with my sons because I was caring for my mom. I never got to Christmas shop between caring for my mom and not being able to handle crowds, people or happiness my H had to do it all. So as much as I will miss my mom this Christmas I am looking forward to getting back on track. We are going on black friday to get new decorations. We are just going to do everything different this year. I wouldn't allow my husband to buy me anything last year. I just had bitter feelings about gifts from him. He has already started shopping for the kids and I. I want to be determined to not let the A take this holiday away from me. It has taken so much and I am not giving it anything else.

I have such mixed feelings about the holidays this year. Last year I was on autopilot trying to deal with the hurt and shock from the A and taking care of my mother who has sinced passed away and my dad who is now in a Alzheimers care facility. Anyway I never got to eat dinner with my sons because I was caring for my mom. I never got to Christmas shop between caring for my mom and not being able to handle crowds, people or happiness my H had to do it all. So as much as I will miss my mom this Christmas I am looking forward to getting back on track. We are going on black friday to get new decorations. We are just going to do everything different this year. I wouldn't allow my husband to buy me anything last year. I just had bitter feelings about gifts from him. He has already started shopping for the kids and I. I want to be determined to not let the A take this holiday away from me. It has taken so much and I am not giving it anything else.

I have no energy to start doing anything.
Sad--because this is the year that I have two new grandchildren, and my daughter recently married--so they will join us.
But I see no turkey, tree, presents or festivities in my future.
I just want to BE.
Just peaceful nothingness...
weird, huh?
But with the huge emotional plunge after discovering his second affair- and all of the extra stuff going on at work - I am spent.
Wish I could just cancel it all...
but of course I have traditions to uphold and will likely find a last minute zap of energy--and will go through it all like a smiling robot.

My H and I actually sat down and discussed some boundaries. He is to call his mom and let her know what those boundaries are and we are tasking her with keeping her H in check. I let him know if his dad crosses the line I'm kicking his ass out of my house and that I don't care what the repercussions to my H's relationship with him are. I also discussed this with my father so he knows when to intervene if needed. But in general I put this on my H and his Mom. They are the ones who have basically condoned this behavior for years by not standing up to it, catering to his tantrums and in general bending over backwards to placate him. He is their creation, they can deal with it.

Glad your family stood up for you in that bad situation. Did he apologize?