When I saw my little man for the first time last Friday, he looked just like his sister. That broke my heart and made me happy at the same time. The first time I held Parker, I loved him more than I thought I ever could! We will never forget the pain of losing his sister, or how it felt to hold her in our arms, but I have no doubt that the bond with our son is already there! I'm sure that you will feel that same bond the moment you lay eyes on your little one:)

I have a four year old and that little girl is my life. When I got pregnant with my angel I was worried I might not love him as much as I love my daughter. But I do. He's also my life. I love them with an amount I can't described. And this baby im now pregnant with I know I will love him/her the same. I think its normal for a second time mom. its pretty normal to worry about that, weather the first survives or not. I think you are just having the feelin many moms have.... and congrats on the pregnancy.

I think you feel this way because you still haven't really met this little guy. For me, I think it will be surreal until I see a crying, red face. Then I will believe, and then I can really let go and open up. You can never know how awesome it will be until it happens! I truly believe your feelings about this will change.

As for your fears, I totally get that too. It might not be keeping you from bonding...but I bet it's keeping you from dreaming/hoping/believing, at least a little bit.

Also, you do not sound like a crazy woman, obviously. I am right there with ya!

Oh, I feel so much of the same. I still can't look at other babies, other little girls, go to a baby shower, shop and send a gift to a baby shower, etc. I am so worried. The baby will probably not even have a room done, because I can't look at baby things. I worry what kind of Mom will I be?

Then, I think to myself as much as I love Cole and Carly, I will love this one too. Somehow, when they arrive, your heart automatically grows to make room for them. Try not to worry about it. At least that's what I am doing for now. Stay focused on your prenatal care and making sure you are doing everything to get that baby here alive. The rest will fall into place. I have faith that this will happen. Hope this helps, Hugs, Stacy

Thanks gals for the responses, I was not sure if I should post this because I didn't want you guys to think that I was being a terrible mom.
Carlysmom: I love what you wrote about my heart automayically growing larger to make room for new babies. That was so cut and so true, it put a big smile on my face.

lonestarteacher: Congrats on the new baby, I am so happy he's here and is healthy.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and am STARTING to acknowledge this baby. It was only last week when I finally started shopping for the rainbow baby --- bedroom furniture, car seat, clothes, etc. It's still difficult -- it's as if I'm still sort of in denial. I don't talk to this baby much. (I talked to my firstborn ALL THE TIME from the very beginning.) I still refuse to have a baby shower (let alone set up a registry), and don't like talking about this baby much with other people. But I'm not worried and I don't think I'm being a bad mom. I have a feeling that my "distance" from this baby will change once she is finally born --- that's when it'll hit me that she's really here to stay. For now, I'm just distracted with other things while trying to make myself finish the shopping list for the baby before she arrives.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one feeling this way. And I know you're being a good mom already by being honest with yourself -- only a caring mom would feel that concerned.

(And for what it's worth, I had a good conversation with a friend who said she felt the exact same way about her second child, even though her first child was born alive and healthy. She was worried that her second child would make her love her first child less and she was worried about spending less time with her first born once her second child arrived. IN other words, she felt guilty when she became pregnant the second time so she didn't make much of an effort to bond with her second child (while he was in the womb) as a way of staying loyal to the first child. But, of course, that all changed once the second child was born -- she loves both of her boys dearly and equally. Hearing her story made me feel much better and less guilty about not bonding with this rainbow baby as much...for now.)

I worried about that before I had my angel, I always had an awkwardness around babies, and didn't really know how to handle them, I joked that I would have the health visitor on speed dial in the first few weeks, coz I'd never changed a nappy, never held a new born(without mom or dad looking worried and taking them back!!) Never had anyone to be responsible for, I worried about breastfeeding, worried that being a new mom would make me unattractive to my DH, so many things! When Angel came, I was so sad, but the experience showed me that I was indeed ready, and my relationship with DH could only have become better... in some mysterious way, throughout the pregnancy my heart and motivations had changed, and even the day before the delivery I hadn't realised.
I found this heart overflowing with love, I found that everything was about angel, everything I was, everything I did was because of her, and still is... she gave me compassion, she broke my heart for children, and anyone who is suffering because of anything... she left me with a completely different view of my life and the world around me... and I believe it's the same with our rainbows, we can't feel the effect they have on us, even up to the time it comes to deliver them, but when they're in our arms, all the changes in our hearts will become apparent, and we'll know that we've been supernaturally prepared for that day! Whatever happens with us and our rainbows, we are never the same, as it takes just a few months to melt and mould our hearts into a new shape into which those little people fit perfectly, and even though my angel's footprints are across my heart, there's a new set of prints and each week they grow a bit bigger!!