Unfortunately...as long as you're in a financial need for your job...he'll never understand.
My suggestion would be...start looking for a less physically demanding job but keep the one you have until another one is secured.

You'll play hell getting disability. And, if you have no other income coming in in the meantime...you'll begin to experience the stress that comes along with having no means, which will likely make your physical pain even worse.

I understand the pain involved with your disease process...but, I also understand the need for a second income. I don't think there is a right answer here.

Good luck...sorry I couldn't be more positive for you. Hope it all works out.

I am in a similar boat where I have to keep working even though it is difficult. I am a single Mom and I just don't see another option.

I worked with my boss to see what we could do to make my job less physically demanding. I used to travel at least 1 week a month. She cut down the travel significantly and now I do business meetings over the phone. She also allowed me to work from home full time. That has been a life saver. When I have to go in the office, she arranged so I can park in a closer parking lot and the company picks up the tab. The closest handicap parking was 1/4 mile away from the office doors.

Maybe talk to you work and see what can be done to make it work for you. You didn't mentioned what type of work you do but maybe some accomodation can be made.

I agree with "wrkn" and it will probably be hard to get him to understand, if your income is needed to subtain the household. I don't know what your job entails, but have you talked with your employer about possible modifications that would help you get through your days better or maybe some kind of modified schedule. The hubby may also be more open to that, since there would still be some money coming in. I did that and was able to have my caseload reduced for awhile, but thankfully I have been feeling better and able to get through my days ok. Hope you start feeling stronger soon.

I have to say that I do feel for you because I am so there....but unfortunately I can't even work at all. I tried but I was unable to. I was only working part time mind you I had to stand for 5 hours at a time and I have thought of getting a different type of job but I even have a hard time working on laptop....keeping my arms up is so difficult. I can't even do my housework most days and even taking showers is difficult. My husband is at me all the time but I justt said sorry but my health comes first and I just can't do it. I have applied for Canada Pension Disability but it takes about 4 months to hear anything. So I should hear by may I guess. Not sure if I will get approved but for me it was worth the try. I haven't been able to work since the end of july. As for in other countries I am not sure what they have. But we do have it here. Hard to get but well worth the try. It won't give me that much a month but it will cover what I was making working 3 days a week.

Do you have any kind of program there?

I totally understand where you are coming from though because my husband even complains about how much my meds cost...and we only pay 80% because he has medical insurance....I just think he likes to complain....lol!!! What I have learned n the past year is that in order for me to get better I have to take better care of myself and if that means not being able to work then so be it. I have to for the first time in my life put me first!!!! I have given to my family for years well now it is my time...
but not to say that it doesn't hurt me when he gets upset because it does.......

Wish I could be more helpful!!!!!

Good luck

hugs,

Barb

I had to go on disability last July. I work as a kitchen designer and sat at a computer all day. I had to go up and down stairs, about 20 of them, about half a dozen times a day. It got to be that I just could not do the stairs anymore, I was too weak and in too much pain.

I only have long term disability thru work, so I had to apply for unemployment benefits, sick leave, which covered me for the first four months. It only pays 67% of my wage, which is putting our finances in a bit of a strain. However, my husband has been very understanding, he can see that I am not able to return to work. He comes with me to all my Dr appointments, and gets the news first hand like I do. He was there last week when my specialist told me I would most likely be off work for another year. I was shocked.

As far as advise on how to help your husband understand, that's a hard one. Take him with you to your next Dr appointment. Unfortunately they can not feel the pain we are going thru, or experience the weakness. Good luck to you..

This is a tough one as I have been thinking about this as well as a single gal with a mortgage. Some points from previous posts- Wrknprogr - agree about looking for a less demanding job, a "desk job", lexisgirl - like the idea of meeting with your manager and see what modifications they can do (less work, work part-time, work from home). I am going to do that within the next 2 weeks with my manager. I'm so thankful that I have a job with insurance, but you do need to look after yourself. I've thought of downsizing to make it easier and I have called on all my bills to see how I can get a lower plan, etc. Don't know if you have printed out the description of our disease to him to read, but that might help. Good luck and let us know how you are doing! :-)

Get on Disability when you can. I'm on it and I don't have to work , BUT, there's always sacrifices! I live with my Dad who I hate, and I have to pretend like everything is OK so the stress doesn't make me sick (still working on that) BUT, I hate to see YOU work if its making you sick, just tell your husband you can't do it and BUDGET to live on Disability, At least you don't hate who you live with !!!

Oh, I feel for you. I am so frustrated that I cannot work. I miss my job. Was it hard to do with this stupid disease? Yes. And I worked sick a lot. They tried to accommodate me with electric staplers and hole punches and special ergonomic pens and mice to spare my hands but some days I could just not physically do my job. It was difficult. And then, in the end, I dragged myself to work, barely able to stay awake, barely able to get off my chair or lift a binder, and made myself worse. I ended up in the hospital for 7 months and for 4 months after that was still so very very sick (my specialist refers to this as the time they were working to save my life). By then I was on LTD from work. By December they asked me to apply for CPP Disability (still waiting for the answer on that but pretty sure it will go through) as well. My husband has been through this entire journey with me and goes to all of my doctor's appointments where they tell me I'm not going to work again because if I do, and I catch bugs from other people, I could die. When I talk about working again, he just says no. We can manage our bills. Thank God I have LTD coverage. It's still less than what I would earn working, of course, but I don't pay any taxes. It's hard to be 'retired' at 44. This isn't what I imagined my life would be, but it's better than the alternative! :o)

Get your husband to go to your dr's appointments with you and pose the question to your doctor. Your health is paramount. I had a desk job, by the way, so if it's difficult physically to do that, what the heck can I possibly do for work? And then there's the germs...

I agree with the responders who suggest you take your husband along to your medical appointments. Perhaps letting your doctor know that you'd appreciate him explaining to your husband what limitations your disease is putting on you, would be helpful.

My husband of more than 53 years takes wonderful care of me, so I can't really imagine it being otherwise. Though I am grateful for my situation, I feel for you and hope things will work out for you, both physically and emotionally.

I know how you feel. Having the stamina to work is hard. I would suggest getting on your church prayer list. I have people that pray for me and I have seen wonderful results with energy and stamina. Do work as long as you can because the economy is going to tank. The dollar will deflate soon and the money in the bank will be only worth half of what it is worth at this point. Our nation is in tremendous trouble. There is also a coming food shortage and spiraling inflation. Keep your job or find another job that pays well before you quit. You will need the money for things that are hitting. Good Luck.

I hear ya girl,

I have recently had to cut back to half time and I am barely making it through that. But I will work as long as I am able. I wonder about the whole disability system/wait time too. Like: can we start the application process while we are still working some? or does that make a definite refusal? Like your situation, I don't see how we will make it financially even with me working part time. But at this point I have no other choice physically.

I do have Hope, however.

Yes, bring your husband to your appointments. Even when they are good people, they still don't get what we are going through and hearing it from a Dr can wake them up a little bit. I don't think people can really understand though without living in our bodies.

Also tell your husband what you are experiencing and try to describe it in a scenario that he understands. I know I have a tendency to not want to complain because I want to be pleasant or likable , especially when it seems I am such an increasing burden, but that doesn't keep my husband in the reality of my disease. So I describe it to him, sort of matter of fact-ly, and don't wait for the time come that it pours out it in an emotional mess. He tries to understand, but like I said, I don't think people can really quite understand.

Could you find less demanding work, like some said?
That might be an option for you. I definitely believe in prayer, but that advice alone and the advice to keep working no matter what, seems a little inconsiderate toward you. I'm sorry.

Only you know what condition you are in and what you are capable of. Be honest to yourself about your abilities and your symptoms and you will know the answer. Like they say, be your own advocate!

I wish you the best!

Kim

Thank you to everyone for being so helpful and caring

Try to get on disability (SSDI in the states, unsure of other countries) try to explain to your husband what is going on. My wife is understanding (and to my absolute SHOCK my father (an attorney in his 60's) told me it was about time I looked into disability income. As far as needing the income, I understand, see my personal journal notes regarding foreclosure (it happens). Keep trying to work if possible. Good luck and keep us posted.

I was on the phone Friday as to options on what to do....I went to work today and totally exhausted - groundhog day everyday - my limited energy is for work and I come home to rest! Newinflorida - I heard it's hard to get disability, so any tips is good to know - I hear it takes 2 years, etc. I agree with having your husband go with you on doctor appts and that Inclusion's advice is very helpful.

I do believe in prayer and that has gotten be through this whole ordeal - Thank God.
Love Hugs and Prayers
:-)

okay i feel like we are living the same life. My husband said the same thing to me. I was so mad especially because my company even has short term disability and long term both i pay into for the past ten years.

He is nervous that with the down sizing that they might take into consideration that I am sick, but of course that is so illegal. I am not sure what to say, but I can tell you this much if I ever get to the point where I really cannot work I am going to just say to my husband that I have worked all my life and you have to do what you have to do to support us. I would do it for him!