I think it is very normal to get frustrated or angry when you have a chronic disease. When you find you can't control it and still find happiness, I feel it is time for an anti-depressant. It isn't unusual for people with chronic illnesses to be on one.

I absolutely refuse to let my diseases define me. When people ask about it, I briefly talk about it but then I change the subject to something more interesting to me.

I know you've had a real struggle with your disease and have become pretty limited. I encourage you to try to find things you enjoy that you can do. I find for me, that is way more fun then focusing on what you can't do. I am always searching for activities I can do while my body doesn't want to go. Puzzles, great books, talking to people, etc. I even find fun in watching TV. I watch talk shows that give me other things to talk about then my depressing life.

I hope you can let go of the anger and find your happy spot again. If your shoes don't fit, make getting some top priority. I don't know about your church most wouldn't care what is on your feet as long as you are there. Even slippers would be okay I am sure.

Hang in there Brenda. I think are you on track with doing something nice for yourself.

Hi Brenda. Lexis is so right. A little help from an anti depressant would help. Brenda, why can't you get out. It is good to get out of the house, it gives us the opportunity of focus on others rather than our disease. There is a danger we can become consumed by this disease and forget about our lives and other people to meet and things to do. I know its not easy but little steps!!!! Wishing you all the best. Autumm

Hi Brenda - I get angry and some days very tearful but I try to pull myself out of it - I have always been a "bubbly" person to be around and that is what is expected of me even now. It is really hard - if I am in bad pain and I have a bit of a moan it falls on deaf ears - someone even suggested that taking paracetamol could cure it!! How I wish that was true. It is very easy to get bitter and frustrated but I think of things to do every day. Luckily I have a lovely rescue dog who is wonderful and patient. I don't know how I would get through some days without him. Have you thought of having a pet? I tell my dog everything (I know it sounds a bit weird talking to a dog) but it really helps. He just looks at me as if to say he understands I love him to pieces.

Hi Brenda, There is no point in getting angry over things you can not control. I do think our DM with all the overlaps can affect our mental attitudes - that is part of the test. You do have some spiritual skills so show that spiritual muscle! Get back on the horse - I John 1:9. Cast your burdens on The Lord Psa 55:22. Review your scriptures when you feel bad. Trust the Lord!

My pastor has this wonderful MP3 on a new series called, Blessing In Suffering. The Blessing In Suffering series has 30 lessons on the one MP3. If you have a CD player then that would work. All of the MP3's, DVD's and Books from my church are FREE of charge and no postage necessary. You can order Blessing In Suffering at www.rbthieme.org

I will put in some prayers for your pain. Be encouraged that things will get better!

Amberhere you bring up a great thing. I have 2 kitties. One is kind of aloof but the other is my buddy. She literally loves to snuggle. When I lay down, she loves to come lay with me. She purrs and actually smiles. Her favorite thing is when I decide to spend the morning in bed.

I read somewhere once that having a pet is very beneficial for your health. Simply petting a pet can lower your blood pressure. Plus it gives you something to look forward to every day. Consider getting a pet that fits your lifestyle though. I know I could not have a dog right now because I wouldn't be able to take him walking a few times a day.

Hi Brenda! Hang in there. Right now I am really angry too. I want my life back. I really struggle not to let my disease define me. It already limits my activities and makes me tired. When things are bad, I remind myself that right up until we are dead there is room for things to get worse. I refocus on the things that are going right. Like being able to climb the stairs without needing a nap afterwards or regaining the strength to lift my arms over my head and wash my hair. or my husband cycling into a schizo episode but realizing it and seeking medical assistance soon enough that he didn't have to be hospitalized or my nieces arriving for an unexpected visit full of energy, laughter, singing and little girl questions.
Throwing a big hug your way.

Are you on any anti depressants or anxiety meds? I take lexapro and it helps with anger issues

As I read all of your postings, I have to smile as I have tried each or plan to try them. I am currently looking for another place to move to that will allow me to buy myself a dog. My daughter at 1st didn't think that I could have one as to my inability to get outside on my own due to my fall and fractures of both my thighs, but I think that she is looking forward to me having one almost as much as I am. I watched a lot of pet training shows while I was inpatient at the ALF. I was on my back for a long time and learned a lot. I am a reader as well as a writer and with themental confusion and lost of memory, I have a hard time reading and writing, but I still do both. Many times I read the same word or sentence over and over and never retain anything or get past the same word, which is frustrating. I now tell everyone that I no longer proofreader anything as it takes to long and many times I use the incorrect word anyways. I can't get out alone, as I have not driven in over 2 yrs due to the memory loss, pluss my feet will not stay on the pedals. I tried to drive a few weeks ago and my feet kept slipping off the pedals and the pain worsen in the bottom of my feet. I also can't get in and out of the car without assistance, as I am unable to lift my legs without using my hands and sometimes I can't lift my right leg at all. I need someone else to do it. I have tried to use the local bus service which comes to my door, but they are very unreliable and someof the drivers will not assist me with anythng other than operating the lift for me to get my walker or wheelchair on. I guess one would call it laziness to be kind. My daughter is now working addt hours and some of the things which I would love to attend are during her work hours. I tried to schedule myself to attend a gardening class for saturday but they were already filled by the time I hear dof them, but I was able to attend a getting your business online class which was offered by the SBA here and my daughter was able to take me to that. I loved the networking and look forward to being able to attend addt classes once my social security kicks in full time. Right now I am not allowed to work at all as if I could. my memory will not allow me to at this time, plus my short term disability insurnace company won't allow me to earn income while I am on STD. I am still trying to find out what SS allows as to when I can earn something as I won;t be able to survive on just SS alone. I spend my mornings when I am at my best checking into everything, especially finding a better place to live, but by noon I am lost, and most days unable to do anymore. I am not on a anti-depressant as I don't want to take another drug. I do take something that is suppose to be for anxiety and help me ith my pain. I take it at night before falling to sleep. The only problem is that I am suppose to two 2 pills and I can barely take 1 without walking around the next day totally out of my head for the entore day. I tried taking 2 and it was too much but now 1 barely puts me to sleep. It was given to me by my prior pain specialist who I can no longer see due to my new medical insurance, which I love, so I am going to speak with my new pain specialist about it when I go in next week or whenever. What a cycle.

Hi there Brenda. Life is sure very difficult for you right now. Please ask your new pain specialist to review all your Meds. I don't live in America so am unable to suggest ways of getting you out and about as I don't know how things work over there. Please keep in touch with us. Love to you Brenda and so hope something improves soon. Autumm

Brenda - you sure are a fighter. Your symptoms seem more than Myositis to me. Have you asked your doctor for further work up to see what else might be going on? I also wonder if you might benefit from being in an assisted living situation. I know it isn't probably something you want to consider but your quality of life might be better and you might have more options for support. It can be expensive but if you aren't working, you can go on Medicaid and work through the system that way. You could possibly benefit from something like a Jazzy too so you can get around more safely.

My Grandma is in assisted living on Medicaid. She has her Jazzy that she uses to get around the center. They have movies, game nights, weekly runs to Walmart, and even runs to Las Vegas. She has her own living quarters which include a large bedroom, bathroom, and a little kitchen area with a fridge and microwave. That is all she needed but they also have "apartments" with full kitchens available. It is a huge peace of mind for the family to know she has people looking after her every day. She is so happy there too. It was much more social then being at home alone all day.
Something to think about.

Regardless, I hope your doctors have some answers for you and you get feeling better. Think about the 1 more pill. It could change your life for the better.