Polyamory Community Group

A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...

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AdriftInStruggle 09/19/2021

Hey everyone, looking to make some connections and find some support. Advice is welcome but not exactly what Im looking for.

Short version, which really does this situation no justice. But I don't want to type it all out. Married into a very much closed relationship. Wife has wanted to open it and is in love with another guy. It's has been 9 months. I was casually interested, open and receptive to the idea. I'm an open minded guy. But I knew I had reservations. I kicked that can down the road,. So to speak, and didnt really face it, didn't do my homework, didn't do the reading my wife asked for. I didn't realize until recently, but I was essentially avoiding it.

Things got very real, very fast for me last week. I was finally forced to face this and my walls came down. I fell apart in the worst way possible.

I am lucky to have a loving and supportive wife. We talk a lot and she hugs and supports me. :D. But I'm a mess. I was the rock and now I'm a complete and total mess. There are good things, I'm more awake, aware, and my time with my wife is suddenly amazing again. But it doesn't last. I go real dark, real fast, at a moments notice. I joined in one of those moments, last night when I couldn't sleep (sleep and eating are a huge challenge for me).

So... At this moment, I'm sort of having a ok day. But, I really just want people to talk to, people that might understand. Maybe someone to help when I'm at my worst and my wife is not available (codeoendence is an issue for me!) Hoping someone is interested.

Thanks for reading!

PolyNatural 09/19/2021

Congratulations! You've made a huge step in your evolution of understanding relationships. I might not be the right person for you to talk to. I'm not sure of the sort of person you're hoping to find. I'm just a guy who has probably done more digging on several levels into the subject than most people here, but maybe you need more emotional support, than moral support or analytics, and there are some other very good people here who might be able to offer emotional comfort better than I. Whatever the case, feel free to send me a message if you'd like to Skype by audio ( I don't use a cam – it's only a podcast microphone ).

AdriftInStruggle 09/19/2021

Hey, thanks for the response! I'm not exactly sure who I'm looking to find either to be honest. I've been lucky to talk to a great guy today who has lots of advice, and some recommended reading. Advice is always great but I think you are right I'm just looking for people to talk to, who can relate, and maybe help me feel better. I need to branch out, have other friends who understand poly, so my wife isn't my sole source of support. I can't keep crumbling every time she leaves.

minivanLeftovers1 09/20/2021

I totally get where you are coming from. My husband wants to open up and I do not. It’s been a struggle of a year or two. He hasn’t dated anyone, but the emotions are real!

AdriftInStruggle 09/21/2021

Thanks you for your message. I'm in one one of my darker moods right now. Can't sleep again, so it's 430am here now.

That's a long time to be struggling with this. At least he has so far not dated anyone. I cannot say the same and it's killing me. Almost literally. How do you deal with the pain? Any tips? How have you been surviving this emotional nightmare?

minivanLeftovers1 09/22/2021

I missed your reply! I am not doing well this week either. It’s a long story, but he is apparently currently talking to someone but that is all. We haven’t talked about it yet, but he dropped it on me during an argument, soooo…..
I wish I could tell you. I feel like giving up this week. He wants me to be happy that he is telling me about it…which I appreciate….but also doesn’t feel any better

minivanLeftovers1 09/22/2021

Feel free to message me so I see the notification if you want to chat

AdriftInStruggle 09/25/2021

Hey folks, I think this thread is dead and I'm not going to keep it going. Just wanted to say I'm still around if anyone else wants to chat. Thanks!

Prettypoppy 10/03/2021

Please feel free to message me. I’ll be around to chat if you’d like. I’m currently in a closed and healthy relationship with two other people. One of which I use to be married to. I’m here to help and share whatever might help.

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